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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25711570">Oceanborn</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/softjohndae/pseuds/softjohndae'>softjohndae</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Stories Sung in the Sunken Sailor's Inn [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Stray Kids (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Pirate, Angst, Enemies to Lovers, Fluff, M/M, Mentioned minor character deaths, Pirates</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 09:48:19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>20,554</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25711570</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/softjohndae/pseuds/softjohndae</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“I said I wanted to thank you.” The candlelight turned the eyes to even deeper honey. Molten gold.<br/>“What for?”<br/>“For stepping out back in the captain’s cabin. You know, for saving my life.” Oh.<br/>“Don’t think I did that for you.” Changbin bit his tongue in annoyance, he hated to see the shocked expression on that pretty face. He hated being the cause of it. But hey, he didn’t save the landlubber’s life because of him, but because of the possibilities of his father sailing after them. Right. </p><p>Right?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Lee Felix/Seo Changbin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Stories Sung in the Sunken Sailor's Inn [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1706935</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>57</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>240</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Oceanborn</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>!!! Unfortunately this work can not be read as a stand-alone !!! </p><p>This fic is part of the Oceanbound universe, and requires prior knowledge of that fic to be completely understood. With that being said, this work also contains spoilers from Oceanbound, and if you plan on reading that, I suggest you do not read any further on this page. This work is meant to be read after Chapter 31 of Oceanbound, it can also be read any time after that (but for the maximized enjoyement, I suggest that you read this right after Chapter 31), but not prior to that. This work is also not required to understand the things that happen on Oceanbound after this fic takes place, so if you simply don't want to read it, don't worry, you won't miss anything important! </p><p>With that being said, please enjoy with this little spin-off of Oceanbound, and let's get to know our beloved captain's son a little better! </p><p> </p><p>  <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/20895236/chapters/49669709">Link to Oceanbound</a></p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>”Your name.” Captain Seo’s rough voice resonated through the air. A moment of silence passed by before a voice breathed out:<br/>”Felix.” <br/>“Do you know why you’re here?” <br/>“No.” </p><p>Changbin could feel it rather than hear it; his father scoffing, he was annoyed. <br/>“No, captain.” Captain Seo grunted.<br/>“No, captain.” The boy sitting in front of him repeated. Changbin was engulfed in the darkness, watching the scene unfold in front of him from the corner of the room. The boy hadn’t noticed him as he had entered the room, and that’s the way Changbin wanted it. He wanted to observe this Felix boy first, after all, he had had to listen to his father ramble nearly obsessively of him and his father for the past year now. He wanted to know if the boy sitting in front of the captain really was the abomination his father made him seem to be. </p><p>Changbin stayed quiet as the conversation in front of him flowed on – or rather, his father behind the mahogany desk ranted about his past to this innocent boy. Even though the boy’s father had been the reason Changbin himself had lost his other uncle many years ago, he did not feel the same hatred towards the boy his father did. Sure, the boy was an enemy – Changbin didn’t doubt even for a second the boy wouldn’t have slit his throat in a battle, after all, Changbin was a pirate and the boy was of nobility. They were born enemies. They were from worlds that were the complete opposite of one another. They were meant to despise one another to the world’s bitter end. </p><p>“So… now I’m the equivalent to your brother. Captain.” The boy spat out. Oh? Was he finally sick of Captain Seo driving him up the wall, bragging of his great payback to Mister Lee, governor of Nassau? <br/>“Indeed. Now your father shall feel exactly how me and my brother felt back then.” Changbin could hear the victory in his father’s voice. Kind of funny, since it had been Changbin who had planned most of the heist. Kidnap. Whatever that was. Changbin had always been the strategist of the ship, the one great at planning things, taking everything into accord. At first he had opposed this idea, they did not need any landlubbers on the ship, especially any sort of those that had ties to the crown. It could end up being a mess if this boy’s father would decide to come after his son, the only son at that. But what captain wanted, captain did, no matter of the rest.  </p><p>“All of this… just because of some stupid revenge?” Changbin nearly chuckled, but he kept to himself, he didn’t want to give away to the boy that he wasn’t in the room alone with the captain. Stupid revenge indeed. Oh, was he shameless. And clearly not afraid of death. As expected, his father got mad and the boy nearly dropped from his seat from the impact of the captain slapping him across his cheek. Changbin felt a little guilty, but not entirely.<br/>“I’m not even part of this! I wasn’t even born then!” Changbin watched as the boy tried to bite back, defend his stance. He had to admit, it was quite impressive, he hadn’t expected the boy to stand his ground so well. If Changbin himself had been on that seat, he would have quivered in fear. His father had the tendency to do that to people. </p><p>“By kidnapping me from my family? And destroying everything I ever had! Why don’t you just kill me, then, if you want to get back at my father so bad?! It’s not like your sweet little brother is alive either, is it?!” The boy yelled. <br/>”Maybe I will.” The captain, hatred laced in his voice kicked his chair down and stood up, hand on the sheath of his sword. Oh. Oh no. Ah, fuck, this was not how it was supposed to go. Why couldn’t either of these people just stop for a second and think with their brain? Changbin sighed as he quietly stood up, and before he himself had time to think that much, he realized that his father indeed had a killing intent. </p><p>With hasty steps he approached the two as the captain soon had the boy cornered, the sword ready to pierce his heart any passing second now. Just as he drew back, ready for the deadly attack, Changbin unsheathed his own sword and leaped in between the two bodies, his blade glimmering in the golden candlelight. </p><p>Clang. </p><p>His sword screeched against the captain’s sword. </p><p>“What the hell are you doing?” His father hissed through his teeth. <br/>“Just think this through.” Changbin hissed back. And for a moment, his father did. Then he pulled his sword away, and Changbin let his arm fall next to him, still ready to block any attacks. <br/>“Think what through, son? You heard him, he wanted to die.”<br/>”You know damn well his father is very capable of sailing and HMS Victory is still anchored in front of Nassau. What makes you think he wouldn’t come after his son? Do you think he doesn’t know it was you who took him?” Changbin snarled. God, the captain could sometimes be really fucking stupid and short-sighted. <br/>“He could have burned with the damn town for all we know.” <br/>“He could also have not burned. He could be sailing towards us the very moment, we don’t know. That boy might be our only thing to negotiate with if they catch up on us.”<br/>“If.” The captain mumbled. Changbin sighed and finally sheathed his sword. </p><p>”Whatever. Take him out. I don’t want to see him. Tell Chan to make him a deckboy or something. And if he messes up, throw him overboard.” Changbin didn’t answer, he simply took the boy behind him by the sleeve of his shirt and dragged him out of the musty, dusty, dark room of the captain. The sunshine outside was a nice contrast to the dimness of the captain’s quarters. Changbin let go of the boy’s sleeve, searching for Chan on the vast deck of the ship. He was nowhere to be found, rather surprisingly. </p><p>Then Changbin turned to face the boy to finally take a good look at the one that had messed up all the latest heist plans and nearly driven his father mad. The boy, Felix, momentarily blinded by the sun turned to look at him. He looked a little puzzled. A little windswept. A little… oddly interesting. <br/>“Well?” Changbin spat out. The freckles dotting over the boy’s features lured him in. <br/>“What?” The boy had a voice deeper than the ocean. <br/>“What?” Changbin mocked. The sunlight made the boy’s eyes seem like they were dripping honey. <br/>“Well, you can start by saying ‘thank you’ for saving your ass. I doubt the captain would have stopped and you’d be lying there dead if it weren’t for me.” Changbin lectured. Why? He could have just left, told Chan what the captain had told. He wasn’t the type to stick his nose in other people’s business. Why was he invested now? <br/>“O-oh… uhh… thank you.” </p><p>The awkward silence gave Changbin a few more moments to analyze the boy in front of him from head to toe. He would have lied if he had told himself he didn’t find him the least bit attractive – meaning, oh my lord, those honeyed eyes. Those curls. Those lips. The boy was everything those books Changbin read on his free time told about the novelties from the faraway lands. Beautiful. Could have been a siren. Or a mermaid. Changbin was a little awestruck. </p><p>And then he heard Chan’s steps approaching, and he had to pull himself away from the golden gaze. </p><p>*** </p><p>Tortuga. </p><p>It smelled like the sea, shit, and something burning, yet Changbin still felt a sense of home in it. He had strolled these streets hundreds of times, he knew nearly every corner, nearly every little street (one could never know all of Tortuga, that just wasn’t possible, there was always a little more to it). The groups of pirates, the laughter, the yelling, it all felt so familiar to Changbin. The buildings with rusted hinges and broken windows. For a moment Changbin wondered what Tortuga had looked like in its prime. Chan chit-chatted next to him, as he usually did, strangers waving at him (Changbin figured they weren’t strangers to Chan). </p><p>“You know, he’s not so bad!” <br/>“Who?” Changbin mumbled. He wasn’t really listening that intently. <br/>“Felix. He’s a quick learner. I saw Jeongin teach him quite a lot of stuff, Jisung, too. It seems like he fits right in.” <br/>“Mmhm.” Something stirred in Changbin’s guts. Maybe the landlubber wasn’t so useless, after all. <br/>“Oh, come on, don’t be such an ass. Just because he’s nearly royalty doesn’t mean he can’t learn how to sail.” Chan nudged Changbin’s shoulder. <br/>“Mmhm.” The problem wasn’t him being nearly royalty nor him learning how to sail… it was just… something in him. The honey eyes Changbin couldn’t get out of his mind. </p><p>“Headless Captain’s tavern?” Chan nodded at the sign in front of him. Changbin’s stomach churned, he was hungry. <br/>“Sure.” </p><p>And when Chan opened the door, Changbin spotted a rather familiar-looking figure with orange hair far in the corner of the tavern. Speaking of the devil with the honeyed eyes. Changbin didn’t understand why the boy had occupied his thoughts so often lately, they hadn’t even talked properly. </p><p>A few snarky remarks here and there. Laughter, the landlubber had acted stupidly, and for some reason Changbin found that a little too endearing, at it made him annoyed because he knew that if someone had told him that Jisung had done the same thing, he wouldn’t have felt that way. The tavern was full of people, rowdy, the waiters smiled at Changbin. The food smelled heavenly. Changbin poked the meat on his plate around, the presence of the honey eyes next to him a little heavy. He was trying to eat, but he couldn’t. And it wasn’t because of the landlubber. For some reason he wished it would be because of the landlubber, but it wasn’t, Changbin’s mind was occupied with something else, too. </p><p>“Stay away from them, Changbin. You’re going to be the next captain, you’ll keep the tale of the Seos alive. They’re your friends? You don’t need them. They will cloud your ability to make decisions. Stay away from them.” rung in Changbin’s mind with the voice of Captain Seo. Fuck, how he hated this. </p><p>“I wanted to thank you.” A quiet, deep voice whispered next to him, waking him from his thoughts. The loud clatter of the tavern made it nearly impossible for Changbin to hear the voice. <br/>“What?” Changbin croaked. <br/>“I said I wanted to thank you.” The candlelight turned the eyes to even deeper honey. Molten gold.<br/>“What for?” <br/>“For stepping out back in the captain’s cabin. You know, for saving my life.” Oh. <br/>“Don’t think I did that for you.” Changbin bit his tongue in annoyance, he hated to see the shocked expression on that pretty face. He hated being the cause of it. But hey, he didn’t save the landlubber’s life because of him, but because of the possibilities of his father sailing after them. Right. </p><p>Right? </p><p>Or maybe he did do that just for him. </p><p>“I’ll go see what the cap’s up to.” Changbin dropped his mug on the table and rose to his wobbly legs. </p><p>*** </p><p>“You’re not as quiet as you think you are.” Changbin mused from the top of the golden stern decoration of the ship. He was lazily swinging his leg as he listened to Felix’s feet softly padding against the floorboards of the decks. It was night, the moonlight illuminated the world ahead of him. The swirls of the stern ornament of Euryale pressed against Changbin’s thighs, he knew they would leave imprints. It was peaceful. Familiar. Yet there was a tiny disturbance in the familiarity. Changbin’s heart was beating a tad too fast. <br/>“Sorry about that.” He could hear Felix mumbling. <br/>“You’re lucky my father is a heavy sleeper.” Not that he would have heard Felix, anyway. The walls on this ship were thick, and Felix had been very quiet. It had taken a moment for even Changbin to notice that he wasn’t alone on the decks anymore. Like he usually was at this time of the night.  </p><p>“No need to leave, you already walked all the way here.” Changbin listened as the receding steps stopped again. What on earth made him say that? Okay, perhaps he knew, it was a little lonely, sitting up there all alone for most of the night. And maybe, just maybe Felix was a little… interesting. Very different from Changbin. And that made him rather interesting. </p><p>Felix climbed up to sit next to Changbin, a little tumbling, a little fumbling. <br/>“Why are you up?” Changbin asked. He couldn’t help but glance at the boy next to him, who had his eyes fixated on the view in front of them. Boundless amounts of jungle. They were staying in a small bay for the night, everyone got to sleep a bit and there was no need for night guards. Felix had a very cute nose. <br/>“I couldn’t sleep. How about you?”<br/>“Same as you.” Changbin couldn’t sleep for the most nights. </p><p>“Has it been easy? Getting adapted to living on a ship?” Changbin knew they were supposed to be mortal enemies or something, they were a pirate and a noble man of honor after all, Felix’s existence was supposed to be a threat to Changbin, but something about the boy just… it wasn’t threatening. It was interesting. Changbin loved stories of the things he didn’t know about, he wanted to hear Felix’s, too. <br/>“Yes and no. No, as in, I was torn from my past life to this life in a matter of one night and my life is completely upside down, but yes, as in, I have learned to do things fairly quickly. At least in my opinion.” Changbin nodded at Felix</p><p>The conversation flowed on, which surprised Changbin a bit. Or perhaps it didn’t, he had heard Felix got along with his… friends very easily. Felix was nosy, that’s what Changbin learned about him. He wanted to know things, he was curious, in such a way that it reminded Changbin occasionally of children. Not in a bad way, though. Curiosity may have always killed the cat, but satisfaction had always brought it back. And soon enough Changbin realized – Felix wasn’t threatening. He wasn’t the type of person Changbin’s father had always raved the landlubbers to be. He was, in fact, the most unthreatening person Changbin had ever met. <br/>“You sound like you all came to Nassau to save me.” Felix arched his eyebrow, a hint of a grin tugging his mouth. <br/>“Don’t you consider this as ‘saving’? What is life of a sailor compared to that of a street rat? Bliss, I’d say.” Changbin wasn’t serious. He had read enough books. Sometimes life as a street rat could be entertaining. But it seemed also to be a little less dangerous, and Changbin halfly lived for the thrill. </p><p>“Fine words coming from such a foul mouth of a pirate.” Ah, there it was. The fine line between him and Felix. Felix was not a pirate, but Changbin was. And pirates were always something nasty, something bad, weren’t they? <br/>“I know how to read. And I’m not foul, at least not any more than you are.” Changbin bit back. Perhaps Felix was not serious either, but Changbin didn’t know how not to defend himself when that was all he had ever done in his life. <br/>“I didn’t say I wasn’t foul.” <br/>“But you aren’t a pirate.” Changbin scoffed. <br/>“At least not yet.” Those words seemed to stop him. </p><p>“Not yet?” Changbin found himself asking, leaning into the honey eyes. Did Felix want to become one? <br/>“Doesn’t the upcoming heist make me a pirate enough for you? Since I need to be part of this, might as well go all the way in.” Ah. Not in that way. Not in a way Changbin would have wished. <br/>“Piracy comes from the heart, not from stealing stuff.” Changbin huffed. Felix didn’t understand. Of course he didn’t, it was stupid of Changbin to expect that. He was a landlubber, after all. <br/>“Doesn’t ‘pirate’ mean literally a ‘sea robber’?” <br/>“Yes? But it still doesn’t make you a pirate. Privateers steal, but they’re not pirates.” Changbin crossed his arms on his chest, leaned against the decorative swirl on his right. Perhaps not a wise decision, if the worst situation was to happen, Changbin knew how to swim and climb the shrouds back to the ship. He may have done that a few times. <br/>“That’s because they have a permission to steal from the crown.” <br/>“Is it stealing if you have a permission?” <br/>“Yes, since you’re taking another person’s possessions.” </p><p>Changbin snorted, not because it was funny, but because it was getting a little annoying. Maybe there had been that tiny part in Changbin that would have wished Felix was a little better than… the rest of his kind. How could he be, when he had only ever been taught pirates were so bad? <br/>“Being a pirate isn’t just stealing stuff from other people. It’s about brotherhood, having your own crew and seeing and experiencing things a little landlubber like you could ever dream of.” Changbin threw his other leg over the decoration and turned to face the other boy properly. He knew he shouldn’t get all defensive, it wasn’t wise, but Changbin wasn’t very wise, he just pretended to be. <br/>“Being a pirate means that everyone, regardless the crown they are under, hates you and sees you as a threat, but being a pirate also means that you’re free of any and all nations, and you belong to no one but yourself. All of the people on this ship are free people, they have chosen to be here. So, if you’re ready to abandon your family, your king, your land, then yes, Felix, you are also a pirate.” Perhaps his words were laced with a little too much bitterness, a little too much pain, a little too much fear and trauma. Changbin threw his other leg over the decoration as well and slid down the stern ornament. He didn’t look at Felix, he didn’t want to, he didn’t want to swallow his words. His feet thumped against the deckboards as he reached the ground. </p><p>“Night, Felix.” Changbin felt his ears tinting red, the stare at his back. Why the fuck was his heart pounding so damn hard again? </p><p>*** </p><p>“You don’t want to stay here, do you?” Changbin mumbled to Felix, eyeing around him a little cautious. The aura in the Mansion of Madame Malice wasn’t welcoming. It was threatening. Changbin could hear the crew of Indigo snickering and sneering. The charred walls reeked of death. <br/>“It’s all right, I’ll be fine.” Changbin could see right through Felix, how he was fidgeting under his skin, clearly not comfortable. And perhaps he felt a little sad about that. <br/>“So you don’t want to stay. Good.” And with that Changbin turned on his heel and marched towards the door, hoping to every single entity out there that Felix would follow him. </p><p>Because Changbin had seen, he had heard the crew of Indigo. They didn’t like Felix. They didn’t like him at all. Charles Lee had been a pain in Captain Visser’s ass, too, and oh, how the crew didn’t like that. They were just the same as Captain Seo, only a hundred times worse. </p><p>The air outside was serene, it calmed Changbin down. Rum Point was a pretty little village, quiet and reserved. Changbin could hear some cows mooing a few streets over. What calmed him even further were the footsteps right behind him, who he knew belonged to Felix. Changbin stuffed his hands in his pockets, his sword pressed against his thigh. <br/>“Why didn’t you want to stay?” Felix voices as he caught up to Changbin’s steps. <br/>“Because you didn’t want to?” Like hell was Changbin going to admit that he had done this for Felix’s own safety. Just a day ago he had been so damn annoyed by him, and now he was looking out for him. Conflicting. Annoying. Worth the little smile on Felix’s face. <br/>“I never said I didn’t want to stay.” <br/>“You looked like it.” And he did, Changbin took quite a lot of pride in his skill to read people. <br/>“Ah.” </p><p>“I didn’t like the atmosphere and I don’t like the crew of Indigo.” Changbin mumbled. The gentle breeze shook his black locks, caught on to his shirt. A child laughed, serene and joyful. A sweet smell of flowers wafted through the air. <br/>“What’s wrong with them?” <br/>“They’re cocky. Imagine sailors who have sailed most of their lives and think they’re above everyone else. Not to mention they have zero manners and solve everything with swordfights.” And if they hadn’t left, the crew would have solved one more fight with Felix with a swordfight and the crew of Euryale would have most likely suffered a loss of one man. <br/>“I see.” <br/>“And I bet they would have come after you when Captain Kai told everyone who you were, I know Captain Visser holds some grudges against HMS Victory, too.” And then it slipped past his lips, and Changbin wanted to bang his head against a wall. Oh well. At least he didn’t admit that them leaving was all because of Felix’s safety. </p><p>The conversation died, Changbin’s throat felt heavy. This was something he had been a bit afraid of, something he was a bit self-conscious of. He wasn’t the most talkative type out there. He didn’t really… know how to initiate conversations, as he rarely needed to do that. Everyone else around him was usually in charge of that, and then he just joined. And with Felix, that self-consciousness grew up a notch. <br/>“You did better back there than I imagined you would.” Changbin finally croaked out and gave himself a pat to the shoulder for it. <br/>“Oh? Thank you?” The boy sounded genuinely surprised, Changbin felt something twisting inside him. <br/>“My father was certain that you wouldn’t know anything about the ships as you’re English, and I’m quite sure part of him just wanted to bully you.” He wasn’t quite sure, he was certain. Captain Seo had told it himself to Changbin, he wanted to ‘discipline’ the governor’s son, make him fear for his life in front of so many pirate captains. Changbin didn’t like that, but he was glad Felix had exceeded the expectations with flying colors. </p><p>The conversation didn’t die, after all. <br/>“Where have you seen the flagship up close, anyway?” Changbin asked, genuinely curious. Felix was the talkative one, Changbin was glad about that, he just kept on talking as long as Changbin asked him a few questions here and there. Changbin knew he was no different, it just… it took him a while to get used to new people around him. Felix told him not only where he had seen it, but who he had been with, and how they had ended up seeing it, everything. Felix told Changbin of Eric, his best friend of many years. He told him about Nassau. He told him of Margaret. The one Felix was supposed to marry. Changbin didn’t like the sound of that. It set on an ugly stir in his gut. Felix told Changbin he didn’t like the thought of marrying her, and the ugly stir toned down. </p><p>“Do you believe in love, then?” Changbin asked, inspired by Felix’s view on the marriage between him and that girl. The marriages in the aristocratic world, they weren’t… marriages. Just coverups. Just for money. Changbin didn’t like that. There was no love like there was supposed to be. <br/>“I guess I do. In some form. My mother loves me very much and she tells it to me every day and… I don’t know. I have never experienced it myself. How about you?” Felix voiced. <br/>“I don’t believe in it.” A big fat lie. But Changbin didn’t want to admit to Felix that he was a big fucking sucker for all things love. He had read about it, in so so so many forms. Dreamt about it. Wished for it. <br/>“Do you mind me asking why?” Yes, Changbin did, but he didn’t let that show. <br/>“I’ve never seen anyone… love anyone. Every time someone on Euryale speaks of marriage, it’s always bitter and sad. Half of the men there have fled from marriage, so I don’t think love, or marriages, are real. They’re just… for finances.” </p><p>And Changbin wanted to smack himself again. Okay, he wasn’t a complete liar – there had never been much love around him, and it was quite hard for him to believe in it, to believe that he himself would ever experience it. He had only ever heard bad things about anything related to love in real life. That didn’t mean he didn’t want to experience it. Gosh, he did, he wanted to love, to be loved so bad, but there just… wasn’t anyone, really. At least not in a way Changbin wanted. </p><p>“It’s still a pretty thought. Love, that is.” Felix had a dreamy look in his face, Changbin’s gut twisted. He noticed a woman approaching them from afar, steps unsure. Changbin moved his hand from his pocket to the handle of his sword. The woman seemed somehow familiar. <br/>“Mhm. Pretty thoughts are rarely real.” Yet somehow, Felix was. <br/>“You don’t like looking at the world from a positive point of view, do you?” <br/>“I’m a realist.” And a huge dreamer. Not that he would ever tell it to anyone, but the size of his bookshelves were a telltale of that. <br/>“How boring.” Felix muttered, Changbin felt a little stab through his heart. But Felix’s eyes were lying, dripping honey. He didn’t really thing Changbin was boring, did he? </p><p>Then the woman lunged forward and suddenly gripped Felix by his shoulders. Changbin got nearly just as startled, and he pulled his sword halfway out as he noticed the milky white eyes of the lady. Ah. A witch. There was most likely no need to fear. Not that Felix, by the look of terror on his face, understood that. <br/>“You… you...” The lady finally croaked. Her voice sounded like it came from another world. Like it was veiled. <br/>“Little boy… so far away… So much pain…” Changbin didn’t like the sound of that, not at all. Who would ever dare to hurt Felix? Could Changbin please get a grip of his thoughts? <br/>“Oh, my sweet little summer child… Oceanbound… Your days do not lie within the King’s haven.” A prediction. The lady was a fortune teller. Changbin remembered when he had got his own as well, how the old man with a wavery voice had told him that he would eventually find his way to his world’s end. Changbin let his sword slide back to its sheath. </p><p>Then the lady let go of Felix, her eyes clearing. Felix was frozen in place. Then he looked at Changbin, terrified, and oh, how Changbin wanted to squeeze his hand and tell him that it was okay, just some malarkey, nothing to fear of, the predictions were rarely real. <br/>“What. The hell. Was that?” The honey eyes looked confused, scared. <br/>“That. Sounded like a prediction to me.” And not a very good one. And Changbin truly hoped it wouldn’t come true. </p><p>*** </p><p>Changbin didn’t like this. His whole entire being was twisting and turning even by the sight of Felix. He couldn’t even look at the boy without feeling some type of way, and he didn’t like the change. Or maybe he did. It was a little exciting, the thrum of blood through his veins, the little flashes of lightning running down his spine every time Felix smiled at him. </p><p>Changbin had learned so much of Felix after they had sat down to bask in the sunset on the dockplanks of Rum Point to wait for Captain Seo to arrive back from their little meeting. And not only had he learned of Felix, he had also told Felix things of himself. Which wasn’t really like him. But he had done that. Because for some reason, Felix was curious, and Changbin wanted to please the boy by quenching his thirst for knowledge. And then they had chatted the entire evening. And by god, was Felix suddenly so easy to be around, and Changbin didn’t know what to do with himself now. They were so different, yet somehow so similar. Felix… he wasn’t… he really wasn’t that landlubber Changbin had thought him to be, after all. Not anymore. </p><p>“He’s amazing, you know!” Chan sat down next to Changbin. They were sitting in the kitchen, everyone else had already gone to do their daily tasks. Him and Chan were late, as usual, the captain had kept them occupied until the sun had set. Thankfully Seungmin had left them some food on the counters. <br/>“Who is?”<br/>“Felix! I made him and Jisung count bearings for the upcoming heist, and didn’t give any advice, because, you know I wanted to test him a little to see how good he actually is, and he did it all! All of the counts are correct, I double checked, and Jisung told me he did it all, just like that.” <br/>“Oh?” Changbin stuffed some stew in his mouth. <br/>“He’s so incredibly smart! I wonder what else he has in store, I know he speaks languages and knows the stars, but what more is there? He’s educated, after all. He’s incredible! Everything we could have hoped for! And it’s so amazing to see him get used to everything, how in just a matter of weeks he’s grown from a landlubber to a full-blown sailor.” </p><p>Changbin just looked at Chan with a cocked eyebrow, something akin to jealousy once again stirring his insides. He knew that feeling know. He had got it the moment he had seen Jisung and Felix talking and laughing at the helm yesterday. He wanted Felix to laugh with him, too. He wanted to make him laugh. <br/>“And to think we were so worried what would happen once we got him here. He’s amazing, don’t you think so?” Chan didn’t see the way a blush dusted over Changbin’s features:<br/>“Yeah… I guess so.” </p><p>*** </p><p>Changbin felt horrible. He felt so absolutely, ridiculously terrible. He felt guilty, he felt sad, he felt like his heart had been ripped out from his chest. </p><p>The person who he had considered to be one of the closest to him on the damn ship was gone. Lyanna was gone. The woman Changbin had always thought as his mother figure was dead. She hadn’t survived the heist, the Spanish had taken her life, and Changbin was so utterly devastated. And he felt guilty about it. He knew that he shouldn’t be feeling this sad, he shouldn’t dwell on it, he should just let it go, they were pirates after all, and there were people dying every heist. It was the pirate’s life. </p><p>Yet it still tore his heart apart. Shattered to pieces. He had to put all of his willpower to not break down right there, on the floor of the storage deck, and cry himself to the next afternoon. </p><p>With a stifled sob Changbin swung forwards, barely missing the barrel in front of him. He felt so damn lonely. He was completely alone. He couldn’t sleep. He couldn’t talk to anyone, he knew he could talk to Chan but he was busy with all the shit going on, so he didn’t want to bother him, and the situation with him and Jisung was odd and it was all because of Changbin, and then there was the fight with Felix because Changbin had been so fucking worried about him and he had just snapped, and he didn’t even think about talking to his father because he absolutely refused to understand him in any way and it was all so much, and it was getting under his skin and it was getting unbearable and suffocating too much, too much, too much, he was in so much pain and so lonely and angry and sad and lonely and -. </p><p>“Your footwork is off.” </p><p>Changbin spun around, bewildered, pointed his blade towards the figure peeking out of the hatch. He recognized the honeyed topaz eyes in the flickering light of the lantern. <br/>“What?” He croaked out. To him, his voice sounded broken, bordering on sorrow. He hoped Felix wouldn’t notice it. Felix dropped down from the hatch above to the storage deck, Changbin took a little side-step to give him space. He felt confused. <br/>“I said your footwork is off.” Felix looked smug. <br/>“What the hell do you know about footwork?” Changbin covered his sniffle with a swipe of his sweat-matted hair off of his forehead. He needed to get himself together. He didn’t want Felix seeing him in such state. </p><p>“You should take two little steps instead of one big step while going to the right. And keep your sword always tilted a little to the way you’re going.” The words seemed the flood into Changbin’s brain like a river, and leave just as swiftly. He couldn’t help but stare at those eyes. <br/>“What?” Changbin repeated again, voice much steadier. He needed to get his mind off.</p><p>Felix snatched Changbin’s sword from him, showing him how he was supposed to do those steps. Changbin was a mess. But he for sure knew he wasn’t as bad as Felix claimed him to be by showing him how he had handled the sword just mere moments ago. Changbin took a breath in, his mind swam with questions, but one thing was clear to him: he needed to focus. He needed to focus on Felix right now to get his head out of other things. He needed that, and he knew that. </p><p>“Weren’t you supposed to be bad with swords?” Changbin finally muttered. Of course he wasn’t bad with swords, Changbin wasn’t actually even surprised. Felix was a star, he knew everything, Chan was absolutely enamored by him and his skills. <br/>“I never said that, just that I know how to protect myself. Protecting includes quite many things.” Felix’s eyes were twinkling, a cat-like grin tugged the corners of his mouth. A thousand butterflies took flight in Changbin’s guts. <br/>“What else have you lied about?” Changbin scoffed and took his sword back from Felix. <br/>“Nothing.” </p><p>Changbin tried his best to repeat what Felix had shown him, even though most of his focus had been in the other things and the memory of Felix’s movements was kind of shabby.<br/>“No, use your toes.” Was the answer he got immediately. <br/>“Toes?!” Changbin scoffed. Never had he heard anyone speaking of toes while swordfighting! Not even Lyanna had said anything… <br/>“Feathery steps.” <br/>“What kinda bullshit?” Never have I ever had to walk with bird feet to strike with a sword.” Changbin complained. Felix snorted, that little grin never leaving his eyes. <br/>“Just do it, it moves your core strength from your feet to your upper body.” Changbin stared at Felix. It sounded like it made sense. Changbin just had no idea what the hell core strength in his feet meant. </p><p>“Where the hell have you even learnt any of this?” If Changbin could keep Felix talking, he wouldn’t have to let his mind wander. That was the decision Changbin made, and he… liked to hear Felix talk. So it wasn’t that much of a decision. And he wanted to know Felix better. Yes, he admitted that to himself, he wanted to know more about the boy. Even more than he already did. He just came from a completely different world than Changbin did, so of course Changbin wanted to know more. And perhaps his low voice did send around a thousand butterflies afloat in the pits of his stomach. <br/>“Part of the royal training my father decided for me.” <br/>“You and your royal training…” Changbin scoffed, again. </p><p>Felix found himself a sword, and a tad too late Changbin realized he’d have to battle against him. Against the boy they had kidnapped only weeks ago, who was now part of the crew, whether he wanted or not. And there was something about it, how confident Felix seemed to be, how proud of his skills he was that simply flowed through him. <br/>“What else have you learned in ‘royal training’? Anything useful?” Changbin tried to tone his snarky tone down, he really did, he didn’t… he didn’t want to scare the boy away again. He wasn’t the best with people, he knew that, but he really didn’t want to lose this one so soon because of his own anxieties. <br/>“To talk prettily. To ride a horse. Languages, mathematics, stars. Manners, you could also use some.” Changbin felt his cheeks heat up at Felix’s words. The audacity! Changbin struck forwards, trying to keep his weight on his toes. <br/>“I’ll teach you some manners.” He muttered under his breath. Felix’s light-hearted laugh spread the blush from Changbin’s cheeks to his ears. And my gods, did he hope the soft torch light hid it. </p><p>The blades clanked against each other, iron screeching against iron. Changbin was constantly reminded to keep on his toes, and as the minutes passed and bled to an hour, he started to get annoyed. Not in a bad way, but in an ‘I’ll show you’-way. Felix was better than him, so, so, so much better than him. He was always ahead of Changbin, he knew exactly how to read him. And again, and again, Felix beat him down, twirled away from Changbin’s strikes only to strike back and send Changbin’s sword flying form his hand. Changbin was winded. A little confused. And no longer a mess. </p><p>And no matter how well Changbin followed after Felix’s instructions, Changbin was two steps behind. A new set of moves, Changbin could barely remember them at first, but then, somehow, they ingrained themselves to his brain, but that was not enough. </p><p>And again, and again, Felix was faster, he was swifter, he was better. <br/>“You’re dead, Changbin, you need to be faster.”<br/>“You’re dead, Changbin, feathery steps.” <br/>“You’re dead, more power. Faster.” </p><p>But, oh, had Felix known, Changbin was anything but. He was alive. He felt alive. He felt like he could breathe properly for the first time in a week. </p><p>*** </p><p>After the swording session, out of breath, hair matted with sweat, Changbin thanked Felix. And he thanked him for more than teaching a few moves. He thanked Felix for saving him from himself. </p><p>*** </p><p>During the next night, down in the storage deck with swords clashing, Changbin hurt Felix. He accidentally slashed his arm, grazed the tip of his sword against his skin, just enough to draw blood. Felix said it didn’t matter:<br/>“I just need to dodge and block you quicker! Don’t worry, we’ll both get to it, unless you slice my whole arm off.” Felix laughed. Changbin couldn’t help but feel guilty about it. He felt sad about it. He felt anxious about it. He had hurt Felix, and he’d have to make sure he would never, ever, do it again. He would never be able to forgive himself, if he did. His thundering heart would never forgive him, if he did. </p><p>“I won’t, and that’s a promise. I can’t lose another great teacher.” Changbin mumbled, the sentence holding so much more meaning to Changbin than Felix could have imagined. <br/>“You won’t, if I get to choose. I’m not going anywhere.” Felix, voice clear as a spring, eyes dripping with molten gold, promised.</p><p>*** </p><p>“Let me help.” Felix mumbled with a quiet tone. Changbin turned his eyes away from his needlework to the boy next to him. He was helpless. Or pretending to be helpless. The light in the storage deck was dim, filled with laughter. It felt warm. <br/>“Have you ever repaired a sail before?” <br/>“No? I don’t usually have to do that.” Changbin mumbled back. Half a lie. He knew how to repair a sail, he had done it countless of times. He just didn’t have to do it usually anymore. He prayed none of the other people sitting in the room heard him, as they would definitely catch Changbin’s lie. <br/>“Think of it as swording with a tiny sword.” Felix instructed, a little hint of a smile tugging his lips. <br/>“…Swording.” Changbin snorted, rolled his eyes a little. The remark made his heart skip a beat. Their thing. <br/>“Yeah. Then you pierce one’s heart with your tiny sword.” The boy with the honeyed eyes instructed. He had clearly done this a few times in his life, Changbin followed Felix’s hands. He wondered what it would feel like to hold them; “and pierce it again, and then pull the strings together. It’s a three-step, easy. Nothing you can’t handle.” <br/>“But you do it differently.” Changbin noticed the way of sewing Felix taught him was different from the way he did it himself. <br/>“I’m an experienced swordfighter, I know many sets.” Changbin rolled his eyes, but the smile didn’t falter. Of course it didn’t. Felix was sitting next to him. <br/>“I can’t believe you’re comparing sewing to swording. Where did you even learn to sew?” Changbin asked. He was curious, after all, Felix was from a high-class family, sure they had maids and servants and all that to do the basic chores for them. <br/>“I was a wild child. My mother got bored of having to repair my trousers all the time.” Changbin could guess that. When Felix got over his shy and observing self, he was anything but calm and collected. <br/>“You didn’t have maids to do that?” Changbin asked. <br/>“We did, but my mother didn’t want them to do all the work. Heart made of gold, you know.” Oh, Changbin knew. Must have been a hereditary trait. <br/>“Ah. And now you know more than one way to sew sails.” Changbin laughed, and then: </p><p>“Hello? Her highness Miss Euryale calls for Felix and Changbin? It’s not very nice to whisper when others are present.” And never had Changbin wanted to snap Jisung’s neck more than at that moment. <br/>“Sorry, I just taught Changbin how to properly sew the sail.” Felix mumbled, and Changbin could hear the hint of guilt in his voice. <br/>“But he knows how to do that already?” Changbin’s eyes widened, he stared and Jisung and wildly mouthed next to Felix ‘shut up!’, but too late: “Unless he suddenly has forgot how to.” Jisung didn’t notice Changbin. Or refused to notice him. </p><p>Changbin could feel his cheeks heating up. He raised his hands in front of him in a defensive manner:<br/>“I just know how to stick the needle through the fabric, I have no idea how to actually make it work! And Felix has a different technique!” A lie, and Changbin could see from Jisung’s eyes that he caught on it. Jeongin laughed like windchimes like the little mermaid he was, Seungmin rolled his eyes along with Jisung. They all knew Changbin was lying. <br/>“You’re just using Felix! And his pity towards you!” Jisung hurled a ball of thread toward Changbin’s face, he caught it just in time and threw it back. And for one moment, all was well, it was like nothing had ever changed between them. It was like Captain Seo had never intervened their friendship. <br/>“Am not! And he’s not pitying me!” Changbin partially yelled. <br/>“I am pitying you a little, though.” Felix giggled, the sound sending lightning bolts down Changbin’s spine. Yeah, perhaps he wanted to be the reason for that giggle. And he had a hunch as to why, but he wasn’t entirely sure if he wanted to examine that reason just yet. <br/>“I can’t believe you’re betraying me like this after all we have been through!” Changbin sarcastically mumbled, acting all defensive. His heart was thundering in his chest. </p><p>A silence fell, Changbin tried to continue sewing, he really tried. And then Jisung started talking again, and it brought comfort to Changbin. They had known each other for years. Jisung was his rock in a storm, even if they sometimes were polar opposites. And now all of it was going to break, and Changbin didn’t know what to do to stop it. He didn’t have the power to do anything, he was afraid, way too afraid to do anything. So Changbin just sat there, silent. Eyes following after Jisung. He missed him. And there was nothing he could do to fix that. </p><p>Changbin eyes scanned over the storage deck where they were sitting. Hyunjin was laughing, eyes turning to little crescents, glowing in a way that Changbin was so used to. Seungmin was quieter, eyes flickering around the room, but never away from Hyunjin for long. Jeongin was the calm, the serenity of the bunch, the one anyone could rely on. Changbin didn’t know how to word his appreciation towards the boy. He had saved them from doom countless of times now. </p><p>And then Changbin’s eyes fell on Felix, who was sitting next to him, clearly deep in thought. There was something about him, something had changed. Like Felix had unlocked a secret inside of him. He had a little smile splaying his lips, deepening the corners of his eyes in a way that resembled Changbin of a cat. He laughed, the noise twisting Changbin’s guts, spreading warmth inside of him, and he found himself smiling a little. He was gone. So far gone. And then the honeyed eyes found his, Changbin felt like melting;<br/>“What?” Felix quietly asked, it took a moment for Changbin to get back to himself. <br/>“N-nothing.” He wheezed out. If his heart had been thrumming a moment ago, now it was hammering against his chest, begging to be let out and love. The rosy hue tinted his cheeks red. Felix turned away, not caring for Changbin, and Changbin let out the thought he had been holding on to for so long:</p><p>“Your smile is just really pretty.” </p><p>*** </p><p>Felix won Captain Seo in chess. Changbin had never seen anything as sexy as that. </p><p>*** </p><p>“You need to stay away from him! Changbin, you know this already!” Captain Seo stood behind his desk, brows knitted together, an angry expression pulling his features down. Changbin had his arms crossed against his chest, he took a step back and bumped against the velvety surface of the armchair. <br/>“He’s been my best friend for over ten years now! I don’t understand why I should just suddenly stop being friends with him!” He argued back. Again. He had lost count how many times they had spoken of the same thing during the last half of a year.  </p><p>“You can not have friends clouding your ability to make decisions when you are the captain! Friends will bring you only harm!” <br/>“Just because your ‘friend’ betrayed you and tried to raise a mutiny against you well over twenty years ago does not mean my friends will do the same!” <br/>“Yes, it does! People are all the same, Changbin, they want power and unless you don’t show them that they’re beneath you, they will take advantage of you!” <br/>“No they won’t! Not Jisung!” Changbin felt angry. Again. God, how he really hated having this discussion over and over again:<br/>“And how do you even know I’m going to be the next captain? You can’t seriously be so certain about your death being closeby!” It irritated him, and it hurt his heart. Changbin was tied to him. Tied to his father. How would- how would he even survive without him? How was he supposed to suddenly live without that presence in his life, if the predictions were true? </p><p>The captain raised his voice, posture screaming of anger. He was sick and tired, Changbin could see that. A shadow of what he once had been. <br/>“Of course you are going to be the next captain! I am passing the throne to you! I decide that! You have no choice!” The thought of Changbin not being the next captain of Euryale really got under Captain Seo’s skin.<br/>“And the predictions are always correct! Always! I have never seen them fail, and I have my trusted sources that my death is near!” <br/>“What you have is crazy talk from an old lady in Tortuga!” Changbin yelled back. </p><p>Captain Seo hammered his fist against the mahogany desk:<br/>“It is a prediction and it is correct! I can feel it!” <br/>“You’ve gone crazy.” Changbin mumbled and was about to turn away and walk out of the room. <br/>“I’ve always been. But you need to get rid of those fucking disgusting little rats of yours, or I will haul each of them overboard myself. Starting with Jisung.” A lump strained Changbin’s throat at those words. Exactly, Captain Seo had never been one of the sensible ones. He did not have a hard time picturing his father throwing half of the crew overboard because he didn’t like them. Changbin took a step towards the door and swung it open, he was done listening to this bullshit again. </p><p>“Do you hear me?! You need to keep the distance! Especially with that governor’s boy! He’ll sell you to the crown when he gets the chance! Listen to me, keep away from him!” <br/>“I won’t.” Changbin mumbled into the air as he exited the room to the familiarity of the quarter deck. </p><p>*** </p><p>Changbin had a crush on Felix. He had known for weeks now that there was something, but now he had a name for it. A crush. Someone that Changbin wanted to cherish and love. Someone that could turn his world upside down simply with those honeyed topaz eyes of his. Changbin had realized it last night as he had been sitting on his sofa, reading a book about long lost lovers. And all the time he had just imagined Felix as the main character’s lover. Simply Felix. All Felix. All of his thoughts were Felix. </p><p>But he didn’t know if Felix had a crush on Changbin. He didn’t know, if the feeling would ever be reciprocated. But god, he wanted to try. He craved for love, he craved for those lingering touches and little kisses underneath the moonlight, he craved for them so incredibly hard. Changbin didn’t know, if Felix would ever like him, and that ate him from the inside. But what was there to lose? A friendship that hadn’t lasted for long, if the worst would happen. Nothing else. Changbin wasn’t sure if he would be able to endure it. But oh, how he still wanted to try, he couldn’t shake off the daydreams, he couldn’t shake off the imaginations of him holding Felix in his arms, and he wanted them to be real so bad. </p><p>Changbin had a crush on Felix. And he didn’t know what to do. But the books he owned had some pretty good advice. </p><p>*** </p><p>The next night Felix found Changbin on the helm in the middle of the night. The presence of the boy tugged his heartstrings, and made him forget every little thing pressing him down. Changbin let Felix take the wheel, steer the ship towards the unknown for a little while. He was enthralled. Enamored. The way Felix’s eyes twinkled in the lantern light, how they lit up the second his hands touched the wooden handles of the wheel made Changbin feel things he struggled to articulate. Changbin saw it, the happiness, the sense of belonging, all of it. Felix belonged to the seas. He belonged behind a wheel, steering the ship towards the unmarked lands. He didn’t belong ashore. He belonged right here, on this ship. Oceanbound.</p><p>And Changbin hoped that Felix also belonged right there, next to him. </p><p>*** </p><p>The storm was horrendous. It had been ages since Changbin had seen anything as bad. Why on all the seven seas had his father insisted on leaving, when he damn well knew there was a storm brewing just at the outskirts of the Cuban isles? Why was he in such a fucking huge hurry to see his brother, Changbin’s uncle? Changbin didn’t understand. He really didn’t. How was the captain ready to risk their whole crew just for this? </p><p>Changbin ran over the deck, nearly slipping. Chan caught his arm just in time, yelled at him to get to the forecastle, to tighten some knots. And Changbin did as told, he ran, the ropes slipped against his palms, burned his skin, but Changbin could care less. He ran back, nearly bumped into Felix, the boy looked like hell. Changbin felt bad, he felt so bad, he just wanted to take him to safety and tend to his bruised knees. There was an empty look in his eyes, he was somewhere far away. Unreachable. </p><p>And Changbin ran again, to the quarter deck, haul the sails up, take them down, Changbin climbed, his foot got caught in the shrouds, and for a moment he feared the sea beneath his feet. Then the rope let go, and Changbin reached the first boom. This was easy for him, he had seen storms, he had operated in them before. Yet somehow the fear was still there. The sea was untamed. Relentless. Unforgivable. Changbin admired it and feared it. </p><p>With swift fingers he untied the knot, the ship tilted to the right. Rain poured down, thunder cracked over their heads a little too close for Changbin’s liking. His shirt was glued against his skin, hair matted against his forehead, dripping. He could see his father on the helm, as he should. At least he was doing something for their survival. There was no doubt, if anyone could steer in this storm properly and at least somewhat safely, it was Captain Seo. </p><p>The ship shook, shuddered, whined against the waves. Changbin ran, nearly slipped again, and then there was a loud crack from the skies above:<br/>“The main mast!” And Changbin ran faster, dove from underneath just as splinters fell over his head. He didn’t have time, he was needed on the other side, but he saw in the corner of his eye how Hyunjin pulled Felix away from the immediate danger. An icky feeling filled his thoughts. What if Hyunjin hadn’t been there? Changbin needed to get closer to Felix. He needed to protect the boy better. </p><p>But he didn’t have time, Chan told him to go get something from the storage deck, and that’s what he did. He could hear yelling, they needed more ropes, the main mast was sizzling, barely holding on. A lightning bolt had struck it, and Changbin didn’t want to think about the damage. Changbin searched for the rope and ran up the stairs, the ship tilted to the left. He was exhausted. He was cold. It had been hours, so the end was near. Probably. That was the only thing that kept him going. </p><p>That, and the sight that he was met with when he reached the main deck. A cold hand of anxiety gripped Changbin’s throat. There was a boy. A boy lying next to the bannister in a pool of blood. Changbin could see it, dark against the brown deck, slowly spreading everywhere. Panic surged through his veins. Changbin hurled the rope somewhere Chan’s way, he knew how to use it, as his feet lead him towards the boy before he could even process it. </p><p>Changbin noticed the other cannon loose, someone had caught it in the middle of the deck. That must have struck Felix. The hand gripped harder, Changbin couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t be… could he? Not here. Not now. Not just when Changbin had been away. He was supposed to protect Felix! He had never sailed in a storm, he didn’t know what to do! </p><p>Changbin dropped down on his knees, with trembling hand he reached towards Felix’s neck. The cold hand gripping Changbin’s own neck disappeared as Changbin felt the pulse under his fingers. He needed to get the boy away, he couldn’t he leave him on the deck, he wouldn’t survive. Changbin’s gut twisted at that horrifying thought. For a moment Changbin didn’t know what to do. But then he did. </p><p>“Felix. Felix, hey. Open your eyes.” </p><p>No answer. Changbin lightly shook the boy by his shoulder, careful not to cause any more pain.<br/>“Felix. Hey, I got you. Open your eyes.” The captain yelled for Changbin, Changbin acted like he didn’t hear. He didn’t miss the way Felix’s face was scrunched up in pain. Changbin prayed nothing was fractured. <br/>“Felix, c’mon. Let’s get you inside, the storm is calming and you’re bleeding.” Changbin wasn’t that sure about the storm passing, but it had been so long, it had to pass soon. It really had to. They couldn’t sail in it forever. Changbin still didn’t get an answer, but he was somewhat sure Felix was still conscious. Changbin made the decision for Felix and wrapped his arms around him, carefully, and Felix winced in pain, of course he did, and Changbin’s heart sank. He had promised himself to not cause him any more pain, yet here he was. </p><p>Changbin hoisted Felix up, other arm under his knees, other around his back. Felix wasn’t heavy, he was anything but, but Changbin was exhausted and tired and cold, and his muscles ached. He quickly padded over the deck, completely dismissing Chan’s “take him to Seungmin!” as Felix finally opened his eyes, just a little bit, and Changbin saw that little flicker of light in them. <br/>“Hey, you’re awake.” He quietly mumbled as he kicked the door to his own room open. He quickly made his way to his bed and carefully lowered Felix down. The boy winced again in pain. </p><p>He looked so beaten down. Broken. He was bleeding all over, Changbin could see that the water running down Felix’s face wasn’t just rain. Felix’s eyes were red and puffy, and he was shivering. Changbin felt guilty. He felt sad. His heart hurt seeing Felix like this. Changbin turned to one of the many bureaus of his room and pulled out a spare blanket. <br/>“Stay awake for a while, yeah?” He mumbled as he wrapped it around Felix. His brain was trying to question him, what the hell was he doing, but he decided to ignore that right now. <br/>“Mmhmm.” was the answer he got. At least he got an answer, Felix was listening to him. </p><p>Changbin dropped to his knees in front of Felix, pulled his wound tending equipment out as fast as he could. Felix was swaying with the ship, with every sway Changbin was afraid he’d lose consciousness. He reached out and swept some of the wet orange locks away from Felix’s face. He wanted to kiss the pain away. A tear ran down Felix’s cheek, Changbin couldn’t help it, he cupped the boy’s cheeks after hesitating for a moment. <br/>“Hey, it’s alright, you’re okay, you’re safe now.” Changbin mumbled and swept away the lone teardrop with his thumb. Felix’s skin was soft. Soft, but cold. Felix took in a shuddering breath, Changbin’s heart hurt again. </p><p>“Do you hear me? It’s over, the storm is passing.” Changbin said with a soft voice, as gently as he could. Felix nodded at him, eyes drooping close. Changbin could feel his weight shifting, he leaned more against Changbin’s touch. With an aching heart Changbin let go of him, he didn’t miss the way Felix chased after the touch. With gentle hands Changbin took ahold of Felix’s other arm, his lavender shirt was soaked in blood underneath it. As carefully as he could, he lifted Felix’s arm and watched as his face contorted in pain. <br/>“There’s a wound, I need to check it.” <br/>“Mmhmm.” </p><p>And then, a realization hit Changbin. <br/>“I need you to take your shirt off.” <br/>“What?” <br/>“F-for the wound. I need to check it.” <br/>“Oh.” </p><p>Changbin helped Felix pull the wet shirt off. Changbin noticed the deep-looking scar on his shoulder, but didn’t ask about it. Maybe he would one day, now was not the time. Changbin really tried not to look around, really, really desperately tried to, but he just couldn’t help the little curious glances (yes, Felix was built, no, this was NOT the time for that). Changbin wrapped the blanket again around Felix, but only half-way. His ears were tinting red, he could feel it. Changbin moved Felix’s arm again and took a better look at the wound. The sight made him hiss, he could only imagine the amount of pain Felix was in. <br/>“That bad?” Felix mumbled. <br/>“It’s the old wound and it’s ripped. I need to patch it up, it looks deep.” </p><p>“I’m sorry for ruining your bedsheets.” Felix mumbled again. His voice was shaky. <br/>“You’re not ruining anything, it’s not your fault.” The bed had seen worse amount of blood. There was that one time a siren had tried to make hash of Changbin. That was the reason for the huge, deep scars slitting across his stomach. <br/>“It kind of is, I was the one tying those knots.” The cannons. Changbin grabbed some cloths from the nightstand next to his bed, wet them with alcohol. This was going to hurt.  <br/>“Hyunjin was with you, it could be just as much his fault as it could be yours. Besides, those ropes around the cannons were already old and frayed, it wasn’t your fault they finally snapped.” And it wasn’t, but if Changbin had learned something about Felix, it was that once he got something in his head, it was hard to lure him out of it. If he himself had decided he was at fault, it would be hard to convince him otherwise. But Changbin was willing to try and succeed.</p><p>Changbin took a better hold of Felix’s arm as he pressed the wet cloth against the wound. Felix yelped in pain and tried to draw away, but it was useless. Changbin dabbed the wound as quickly and carefully as he could. <br/>“It’s not as deep and bad as I thought.” Changbin muttered, a boulder lifting off from his shoulders. <br/>“Good.” Felix hissed, Changbin could see another tear rolling down his cheek. He finally got the wound cleaned, grabbed the gauze and started to wrap it around Felix. The boy gripped his shoulder to ease the pain, Changbin let him do that. </p><p>When he was done, he gently lifted Felix’s hand from his shoulder. <br/>“Oh, s-sorry.” Felix mumbled, a rosy hue appeared on top of his nose and Changbin wasn’t sure what it was for. He hoped it was the warmth surging back to his body, Felix’s skin was still uncomfortably cold. <br/>“It’s alright.” Changbin pulled the blanket over Felix’s shoulders again. He looked somewhat better now. Cold, but not so bloody anymore. <br/>“It’s just the old wound that has ripped a little apart, I don’t think it will need patching up, we’ll see tomorrow morning. If it’s still bleeding in the morning, then we’ll stitch it.” </p><p>Changbin took the other wet cloth and swept it over Felix’s knees. He noticed his other leg jolting a little, shying away. <br/>“Just scratches, nothing too bad. You’re going to have a few stingy bruises, though.” Pirate’s life. Changbin rose up from the floor and took all the equipment back to their respective places. As he turned back around, he noticed Felix’s shoulders had slouched, his eyes were filled with tears. Changbin’s heart sank. He quickly dropped back to his knees in front of the boy, pulled the blanket tighter around him as he was scared to do anything else. <br/>“Hey, shhhh, it’s alright now.” Was he still scared? Was there something else to it? Changbin felt like there was. </p><p>“I know.” Felix whispered, voice wavering. <br/>“I- I just. Am I ever going to fit in?” <br/>“What do you mean?” It hurt Changbin, all the pain in Felix’s voice. And he didn’t know how to help, and it made him feel so powerless. Useless. <br/>“You know. I just. I’m so weak.” Felix avoided Changbin’s gaze, and then the tears started rolling again. Felix squeezed his eyes close, but it was too late. Changbin felt helpless, and he didn’t understand. Weak? Felix? </p><p>“What do you mean ‘weak’? Felix, you’re anything but weak.” Changbin knew his voice was harsh, but he just couldn’t believe the words he was hearing. He swiped away the tears with his thumb. He couldn’t kiss them away, even if he wanted to. <br/>“I just. Everyone else is just.” Felix kept sniffling, hiccupping, it was hard for him to speak: “I just can’t do anything like the others.” Of course. Of course it would be something like this. <br/>“Felix. You’re not the others. You’re you, and you’re doing just fine.” </p><p>The honey eyes finally met Changbin’s again. They were glimmering, not in the way Changbin wanted them to, but with tears. <br/>“You’re not meant to do everything like the others. Felix, you’re you and you are not weak.” Changbin’s heart took place instead of his brain. He spoke every word carefully, and with as much honesty as he could muster up.<br/>“But- but-.”<br/>“No buts. No human is meant to sail in storms like today’s and not get exhausted. And you have been here, what? A little over a month. Those you think as ‘anyone else’ have been here for years, they have already a few bad storms behind them and know how to operate, and they have been weak, at the beginning of their sails, just as you think you are now. But none of them have been torn from their past lives and put on a ship full of pirates like you have, you’ve had to learn everything from a scratch and do it quickly. It can’t be expected from you to understand and know everything, as it can’t be expected even from someone that has been here for a year or two. Sailing is a thing you learn only by experiencing it.” </p><p>And all the gods, did Changbin hope Felix would believe him. He didn’t know else he could put it into words, Felix was not weak. He was not! <br/>“And as far as I know, you have been through hell for that month you have been here, you have had to get adjusted on so many different ways, you have had to give so much of yourself because my father decided to destroy lives once again. You have had to go through so much more than anyone else ever has in such a little time. And I know for a fact you haven’t been sleeping properly, you have every right to be tired. You are not weak, Felix, you are one of the strongest, if not the strongest person I have ever known. You are not weak for bending yourself so far you finally broke.” </p><p>Changbin shook with the intensity of the words. He had never, ever opened his heart and spoken so straight to someone. Felix nodded, and Changbin knew he had won. He swept one more tear away, and finally Felix opened his mouth: <br/>“T-thank you.” And that little thank you squeezed Changbin’s insides, lit a little fire inside him. <br/>“You are not weak, remember that, alright?” When Felix finally nodded, Changbin let go of his cheeks. Someone was yelling outside, something pounded against the deck. Changbin knew he’d have to go check it. He rose to his feet. </p><p>“Now, I want you to sleep, we’ll talk and check the wound again tomorrow morning.” Felix needed sleep, he needed it badly. <br/>“But… where are you going to sleep.” And yet another personality trait Changbin so much adored in Felix, the kindness that he didn’t forget even if he himself was in a bad shape. <br/>“I’ll figure it out.” The couch. Changbin lightly pushed Felix by his shoulder, and as he had guessed, Felix was too tired to fight back and flopped against the pillows. Changbin hoped his side didn’t hurt too much. Immediately Changbin could see Felix’s eyes getting cloudy, the exhaustion taking over him, and for a moment he wished he could just flop down next to him, hug him until the next morning. He didn’t want to go back outside to the pouring rain. He wanted to feel Felix’s warmth next to him, look over the boy in case of any dangers. Protect him at all costs. He was daydreaming again. </p><p>“Good night, rest well. You’re everything but weak.” </p><p>*** </p><p>The wound wasn’t bad, it didn’t need to be patched up. Changbin gave Felix his shirt. It was a bit too big for him, it slipped on his shoulders a little. Changbin nearly lost his footing at the sight of that. </p><p>Later Changbin, with a hurting heart defended Felix against Jisung’s constant questions. He still didn’t know what to do, his fathers voice rung in his head, keep away from them, cut the ties with your best friend, they’re no good for you, and Changbin just wanted to scream at Jisung that he was sorry, this wasn’t him, this was his father and if Changbin didn’t comply, his father would hear about it and they would be in trouble, all of them. The elders couldn’t be trusted, they would tell everything to Captain Seo. And then Jisung whispered just loud enough for Changbin to hear, the landlubber has changed you, you haven’t been the same since Felix showed up and Changbin wanted to yell again that this wasn’t about Felix, but then he was gone. And Changbin was lost and didn’t know what to do, but what he knew was that he hated his father more than anyone in the world. </p><p>*** </p><p>Something had changed. Something had shifted in the air. Last night Felix had ran off from the kitchen with a terrified look on his face, after he had dreamily stared into Changbin’s eyes and Changbin himself had nearly drowned in the honey of Felix’s eyes. Changbin was worried, to say the least. What was going on? Had he done something? Changbin felt uncomfortable. Agitated. Like his skin was crawling. And then he saw those honeyed eyes again, the owner of them standing on top of the upper quarter deck with a little smile on his face, and all of those thoughts flied right out of Changbin’s mind. </p><p>“Hey.” Changbin couldn’t help the little grin stretching across his face every time he saw the orange-haired boy. Felix nodded at Changbin, and that little acknowledgement was enough to send butterflies flying everywhere inside him. Yeah, he was a goner. Much too in love for his own good. If Changbin was being honest, he wasn’t a huge fan of this swording as a group thing – he’d have much rather kept Felix to himself. Yes, he knew that it was for the best for the boys to learn some moves, too, but c’mon! Perhaps Changbin just didn’t want to share Felix’s attention! And perhaps this was a big ol’ middle finger to his father, too, and he could always mask it with excuses such as he was just trying to become a better swordsman in order to become a better captain in the future. Yeah. It was that. And spending time again with his friends who he had become so distant from in the past months. Not by his own choice. </p><p>“Are you sure about that?” Changbin mumbled at Felix. He knew Jeongin’s ointments were good, but not that good, even they couldn’t heal a wound in two days. And perhaps Changbin was concerned. He didn’t want the boy to feel any more pain that he had already endured. <br/>“Yea. I’m fine.” <br/>“You didn’t seem fine two nights ago.” <br/>“Honestly. It’s not bleeding anymore, and I won’t do much.” <br/>“Alright.” If Felix so said. But Changbin was still a little cautious. </p><p>The sword Changbin was holding felt light. It wasn’t his own, his own was locked in his cabin, he rarely used it unless there was a battle of some sort. They were all standing in a row in front of Felix, and the change of demeanor in Felix gave Changbin heart palpitations. From a blushy boy to a whole commanding teacher. It did things to Changbin. Felix explained what to do and when, Changbin knew all of this already, which, for some reason, made him feel a little proud. He moved his weight from his heels to his toes, as instructed. <br/>“I’m sure you can do some basic moves, right?” Felix smiled at the boys standing in front of him. <br/>“Define basic.” Minho muttered. <br/>“Like these.” </p><p>And then Felix gave Changbin exactly two seconds to prepare as he stepped closer and swung his sword towards him. Changbin blocked the attack right on time, left, right, left with ease, a proud grin tugging the corners of his mouth. The deckboards of the upper quarter deck thudded under his steps. </p><p>To Changbin’s disappointment, he didn’t get the chance to pair up with Felix. Instead he got Minho, which wasn’t that bad. At least he didn’t have to face Jisung, who had been ignoring him for the last two days. Which was fair. And exactly what Captain Seo wanted. Changbin noticed Minho was already great at the feathery feet-thing, but his hold of the sword was far from that, so he decided to teach the boy a few moves before Felix would teach them anything too difficult. Minho listened intently, his eyes never leaving Changbin’s, and that for some reason freaked Changbin out a bit. Well, it was everything about the boy that freaked him out, since day one he had been a little … odd. Changbin had a hunch why, but he didn’t question it. He didn’t want his scalp to be burned off by some magic fire. </p><p>Felix was standing his back towards Minho and Changbin, instructing Jisung and Hyunjin, as an idea popped in Changbin’s brain. A payback, perhaps. There had been something odd about Felix today, Changbin had noticed it, of course he had, he watched his every step with the eye of a hawk. And maybe Changbin wanted to poke around a little bit. And he hadn’t got enough attention today. Which made him a bit sad. <br/>“And then, when you do this, you can swing it faster, but if you do this… this happens.” Changbin explained and Minho, at with his final words, he took a quick step towards Felix, and, as expected, the boy reacted immediately by drawing his own sword. Left, right, left, and then Changbin saw that little flicker of fire in Felix’s eyes as he finally took upper hand, somehow dived behind Changbin, blocked his attack and pointed the sword at Changbin’s throat. Changbin could feel his ears growing red. <br/>“See, this is what happens when your angle is wrong.” Changbin kept his chin up, his eyes never leaving Felix’s as he explained to Minho what he was doing. He was challenging Felix. Or he was trying to. </p><p>“But if the angle is correct, you’ll get ahead, and your moves will be faster.” With the sudden surge of bravery, Changbin drew his sword again and blocked the blade away from his throat, taking Felix by surprise. He kept his composure and served a few good swings for Felix, and he could see that the boy had to hurry his steps to block them, swing, swing, left, right, left, he forced Felix to back up. Felix’s back hit the bannister next to the stairs to lower deck, he ran out of deck, their blades clashed together and Changbin stepped close, a little too close, a bit too close to be just friends and that made him all dizzy and he couldn’t believe he was doing this. Felix’s honeyed eyes were confused, but Changbin could see something in them, something he couldn’t really explain, but it made him lose his breath. <br/>“And you’re dead.” Changbin whispered to Felix, right next to his ear, that little grin playing on his lips again. He wasn’t still sure if this was the right move, but Felix was blushing, so it clearly had done something. <br/>“See, Minho, this is what happens when the angle is right, you will win Felix in a battle.” Changbin still didn’t step away, he relished in that honey glazed gaze for a few moments more. <br/>“You just had me by surprise.” Felix mumbled, and Changbin laughed that same cocky laugh of his. That one that got Felix looking at him a little while longer, the blush creeping up his ears. He was doing something, wasn’t he? He had to be! If he had done this to anyone else on the ship, they wouldn’t be blushing, right? And the pretty little maidens in the books always blushed just like that. </p><p>“Kidding, I don’t think anyone on this ship is skilled enough for that. Except Bambam.” Changbin finally stepped away, laughing, gently nudging Felix’s healthy side. </p><p>He wasn’t laughing anymore when later Felix kicked him off of his feet and reminded him that he, indeed, was no match for Changbin when it came to swording. </p><p>*** </p><p>Seungmin and Hyunjin had finally got their shit together, Changbin had caught them kissing behind the rum barrels in a storage room last night. Changbin was happy for them, he was glad Seungmin had finally got out of his shell, he was getting better. Hyunjin had managed to coax him out, Changbin could see it, the boy smiled more, he was livelier. Losing his mother in such a tragic way had really taken a toll on him. Changbin knew how that felt, sadly. Not as deeply as Seungmin did, but he had a hunch. It still weighed him down, Lyanna’s death. Brought him into sobs in the middle of the night, alone in his room. But it was part of life, part of pirate’s life, and there was nothing Changbin could do to change that. </p><p>The day was windy, Changbin had to constantly push his hair away from his face. Felix was acting oddly, even odder than yesterday. He was avoiding Changbin more, he didn’t look at him in the eyes, and Changbin missed the honeyed gaze. Changbin really tried to get his attention, really tried to, he was constantly whining and circling him and Hyunjin was laughing at him and he was being so incredibly obvious, but he just couldn’t care less. And nothing, he got nothing but cold shoulders. </p><p>Felix seemed so… out of it. Like he wasn’t in the present, like his head was in the clouds. Again, Changbin was up against Felix, blades clanking and clinking, but Felix’s strikes were shallow, far from powerful. He didn’t focus. <br/>“Are you alright?” Changbin stopped his attack midway. <br/>“H-how so?” Felix stammered, looking away. <br/>“You seem distracted. Out of focus.” Changbin was concerned, again, when was he not when it was about Felix? <br/>“Oh. Sorry.” Changbin let his sword fall down and walked up to the orange-haired boy. If he was being honest, he just wanted to whisk Felix away and take him somewhere quieter and more peaceful and just talk to him but… he was bad at talking. And he just couldn’t whisk Felix away, no matter how much he wanted. Felix took a small step back, which wasn’t like him. An odd feeling stirred in Changbin’s guts. <br/>“You know, you can tell me if something’s bothering you.” <br/>“Nothing is bothering me.” </p><p>Changbin pouted. He just wanted a connection, but he didn’t get one. Where was it? They always had it when they were together. <br/>“Are you tired? Is your side still hurting?” Changbin asked. <br/>“A little bit of both.” And now Changbin frowned. <br/>“We can stop for today if you want to.” But this was different. Tired Felix didn’t act like this. He laughed unabashedly at the most stupid things, stared into nothingness with a sheepy smile on his face and stumbled on his words, that was how tired Felix acted. <br/>“No, it’s okay, I’ll be fine.” And finally Felix looked him into the eyes, Changbin’s knees nearly buckled. <br/>“I’m serious. The wound needs to properly heal.” Changbin insisted. <br/>“It’s fine, Changbin. It doesn’t hurt that badly.” Felix had a little annoyed tone to his voice. Changbin didn’t like that. Not at all. He knew he was the reason for that, but there was something more to this whole thing, he could feel it. <br/>“Felix.” <br/>“I’ll try to focus better. Sorry.” </p><p>Changbin’s heart stung. </p><p>*** </p><p>Changbin may have planned this. He knew Johnny was up for the steering task tonight, and Felix was supposed to keep him on course. Chan’s way of testing him, a good way, Changbin thought. But Felix had been odd earlier during their swording session, and Changbin was keen on knowing why, or at least changing that. Had he done something? Had he stepped out of line, become too invasive? Had Felix… realized Changbin may have felt something more, and now he was uncomfortable? Changbin feared that. But he also wanted to know, he needed to know if he had stepped over the line. </p><p>So right now, Changbin was standing behind the wheel, underneath the starry sky, with Felix sitting next to him on the compass table with his legs crossed. The moonlight glimmered against his eyes, made his hair look like it shone. The whole boy seemed to be glowing. The wind puffed the sails, Changbin could hear them rustling far above him. Felix had seemed a bit weird at first when Changbin had told Johnny to go to sleep, but that had sort of… faded away. At least somewhat. But there was still that odd tension. They had talked, but it was a little forced, or at least Changbin felt like it was. But at least Felix looked at him, at least he smiled at him, although a little shyly. So perhaps he wasn’t that uncomfortable. Felix told Changbin a bit of his family and how he had learned to navigate from the stars. The skills ran in his blood. They talked about the rumor surrounding the French vessel that took down pirate ships, but it was only a rumor and Changbin didn’t want to believe it. Then they talked about Tortuga, and Changbin promised he would keep Felix safe. Well, technically he didn’t say that, but he promised they wouldn’t have to visit the city after dark. </p><p>A moment passed. Changbin’s eyes lingered on Felix as he basked in the moonlight. <br/>“Are we on the course?” Changbin asked, voice echoing in the silence of the night. <br/>“An inch to the port side.” Felix answered a few heartbeats later. <br/>“Aye, cap.” A little grin stretched Changbin’s mouth:<br/>“Are Jeongin’s ointments healing your side?” <br/>“Yes.”<br/>“That’s good.” <br/>“Yeah. </p><p>“Do you like reading?” Changbin felt like passing out the second Felix let out that question. Oh boy, he liked reading, alright. “I just remembered that you had quite a lot of books in your room.” <br/>“I do. I really like reading.” Changbin confessed. Not many people knew that about him, not many people knew about his interests at all. <br/>“What kind of books do you read? Other than map books?” Felix sounded like he was genuinely curious. Changbin felt like a dam had been broken inside of him and the words just flooded out of him:<br/>“Everything. Anything I can get my hands on. Tortuga isn’t exactly the best place to buy books, so I buy them whenever I can, wherever I can. Stories, fairytales, logbooks, diaries from other people that have passed on a long time ago… anything.” And when Changbin said anything, he literally meant anything. <br/>“Wow. You would have loved our library.” Felix sounded delighted. <br/>“…You had a library?” And Changbin knew he sounded jealous. Because he was. <br/>“Uhhuh. And not even a small one, my mother loved books as well. Loves.” Changbin noticed the change of past tense to present. It stung his chest, it reminded that Felix had forcefully been taken away from his life. From his mother, who he so cherished. Changbin decided to not comment on that. </p><p>“I wish I had a library, or I would ever get to visit one! We never have time to when we’re ashore, or the cities we are visiting are just pirate cities and don’t have any libraries.” Changbin had heard of the huge libraries in London. Too bad he would get his head cut off his shoulders if he were ever to step on British soil. <br/>“You’ll get to visit one one day, I’m sure of it.” <br/>“I hope you’re right.” <br/>“Do you have favorite book?” A horrifying question, to which Changbin did not know the answer to. He pondered for a moment. <br/>“Not really. I do like those that tell about the ancient Greece. I like the stories with the gods and all that!” Oh, he loved them so much. They were so interesting and exciting and… different. <br/>“Iliad and Odyssey?” <br/>“Yeah!” Changbin couldn’t hold his excitement, he knew it. The smile on his face was too wide. But Felix was smiling, too, so it was worth it. </p><p>“I’ve read those too. But I uhm… didn’t like them very much.” Felix confessed, looking a little apologetic. <br/>“Oh? But the stories are so wonderful and thrilling!” Changbin exclaimed. Felix didn’t think so, clearly, which made Changbin pout, and the conversation flowed on. Changbin loved to talk about books, so incredibly much. And mythologies, beliefs, anything. No one on the damn ship was interested in them, no one could see the art in the written pages. The awkward tension that had filled the air seemed to shift to a more comfortable one, the one Changbin liked much more. Not that he really noticed it, he was still talking about books, so immersed in his thoughts that he nearly forgot his surroundings: <br/>“…I also prefer poems over anything else. I like it when the words make me think and… see things and feel things like I am in the moment and I like it when the words hold different meanings and the words themselves are structured in a way that creates art. I really like that. And I also like to hear about heroes from somewhere so far away I can use my imagination to picture the stories.” </p><p>Then he noticed that dreamy smile on Felix’s face and realized he had been the only on talking for the past five minutes. A deep blush dusted over his nose, Changbin hoped it wasn’t visible in the moonlight. <br/>“S-sorry I’m rambling.” He stuttered. <br/>“No, it’s okay, I like hearing about what you’re passionate of!” Changbin stomach twisted and turned and his legs felt like giving out. He couldn’t believe Felix just listened to all that. He couldn’t believe he just rambled at him like that for minutes straight. And somehow, Felix was still interested, and asked further questions: <br/>“Do you believe in… anything?” <br/>“You mean in any religion?” <br/>“Yeah.” <br/>“I don’t know.” He had thought about the topic a lot. But he had never spoken of it. Pirates weren’t really people to talk about this to: “I don’t know. There are so many different beliefs, which one is the right one? Or are they all right, in their own way?” <br/>“I don’t know either. I mean, obviously I have always been taught that there’s just one Holy Father, but I don’t know. Maybe there is. Maybe there isn’t. Maybe there’s something else. We’ll find out when we die.” Changbin found comfort in Felix’s words. He wasn’t alone. He wasn’t the only one asking these questions. And for some reason, Changbin’s heart felt like swelling. <br/>“How joyful, Felix.” Changbin laughed. Death scared him. He didn’t really want to talk about that. <br/>“But it’s true!” <br/>“It is! I know!” </p><p>Felix was laughing again, he was glowing in the moonlight. The oddity from earlier was gone, and it made Changbin happy. Felix made Changbin happy. He made him comfortable with everything. With himself. He wondered if he’d ever be able to tell Felix about how he felt. If he’d ever have the courage to. Always speak your mind, that’s what he had been taught. <br/>“You know, I’ve also been thinking that… If I’m ever going to get a ship of my own, I might name it after the Greek mythology.” Changbin continued after a few heartbeats of silence. Felix moved to sit closer to Changbin, it didn’t go unnoticed. <br/>“Oh? Like your father and uncles did?” <br/>“Sort of. I’ve thought of Adikia.” Felix looked a bit confused: “She’s the goddess of injustice.” Changbin clarified. <br/>“Ah! But why injustice?” Because all of Changbin’s life he had got nothing but injustice from his father. Still, he simply shrugged. </p><p>“I don’t know. I just like the ring of it. Another one I’ve thought is Nemesis, but I know at least three other pirate ships called Nemesis. Or Enyo, that sounds nice too. But it might be a little short.” And there he was, rambling again. <br/>“Adikia sounds like you.” Felix’s words tugged Changbin’s heartstrings. Warmed him up inside. He had again forgotten that he was, in fact, standing behind a wheel and was supposed to steer. <br/>“Oh? You think so?” <br/>“Yeah. It fits you. Not the meaning, but, I don’t know, like you said, the ring of it.” <br/>“That’s great then. What would you name a ship if you ever got one?” Changbin was curious. Felix had always wished to be a sailor, surely he had thought of a million ship names. Only that he hadn’t: <br/>“Hmm… maybe some cliché stuff like the Golden Gull or something.” It took everything in Changbin’s willpower to not roll his eyes at the boy. <br/>“C’mon! Be a little more imaginative!” <br/>“Okay, okay! How about… Calliope?” <br/>“Calliope? The muse of poetry?” <br/>“Yeah. I like it, it sounds peaceful. And it’s not widely used, I think.” </p><p>Calliope. Yeah. Calliope sounded amazing. </p><p>*** </p><p>Changbin wanted to murder Jisung. There had been something on that deck last night, something Changbin couldn’t put his mind into, but he had stared so deep into Felix’s eyes that he had felt like drowning, and for some reason it had felt so incredibly right. And then Jisung had showed up, just before Changbin had mustered up the last bits of his courage and ruined absolutely everything. Changbin was furious. </p><p>That had been almost a kiss, right? There was no other explanation for it, right? That’s what the books said, silence and staring into the other’s souls and then the other one moves a little forward and then the lovers kiss. That’s what that had been, right? Nearly. If only Jisung hadn’t showed up. </p><p>Or maybe it wasn’t that. Maybe Changbin was reading into all of this all wrong. Maybe Felix didn’t like Changbin at all, and Changbin was just imagining the blushes and little too long gazes. Maybe Jisung had been actually and angel and interrupted them right on time and saved Changbin from completely embarrassing himself. From ruining things. </p><p>*** </p><p>A swing, turn using one’s weaker foot, another swing, around, preferably with a pirouette, surge forwards, dive underneath the arm of the opponent to their backside, swing, another swing, a sudden change of sword hand, left, right, left, left, another hand change, and again, left, right, the trick was to confuse the opponent, and then the backside again, and with a large swing, disarming the opponent.  </p><p>Changbin swore to himself that he would remember that set for the rest of his life. If not for himself, then for Felix and his honeyed topaz eyes. </p><p>*** </p><p>Chan shoved a little, grumbled piece of paper in Changbin’s hands as they were making their way towards the many pubs of Charlotte Amalie following after Captain Seo’s footsteps. Changbin read it, took the medallion that had been dangling around his neck for years now and snapped it open with a soft clink. The medallion was old, Changbin didn’t know who its past owner was, but it had been Changbin’s since he had been five. It had been empty for most of its life around Changbin’s neck. His mother had given it to him. It had an emerald green diamond-like stone embedded on it. No treasure would ever compare to it, Changbin was sure. </p><p>He folded the little piece of paper, placed it in the medallion and snapped it close. </p><p>*** </p><p>“Meet me where the sun sets?” Changbin asked, half laughing. The loose pieces of pebbles rattled underneath his feet. Felix was sitting only a few meters ahead, back facing Changbin. The sentence on that tiny piece of paper, meet me where the sun sets, written in shaky, yet pretty handwriting, had led Changbin to the faraway cliffs that worked as the breakwater of the bay. The sun was setting right before him, slowly sinking below the horizon, painting everything golden. Changbin could see a few islands dotting the view, he heard a few seagulls screeching as well as clamor emanating from the little town behind him. The wind was gentle, just enough to push Changbin’s black locks away from his face. The waves rippled against the low cliffs, nearly reaching Felix’s feet. But only nearly. </p><p>“I wanted to test your braincells.” Felix laughed and patted the place next to him. He had a little yellow flower tucked behind his ear, and he was wearing the shirt Changbin had given him. It did things to Changbin. <br/>“Did I pass?” Changbin sat down on the gently sloping cliff. It was still warm from the sunshine. <br/>“With flying colors. <br/>“I’m glad to hear that. How was the city?” </p><p>Changbin would have loved to stroll around Charlotte Amalie with Felix, it was a pretty little town, full of life, but no, he had to attend a meeting with the captain and the quartermaster. At least he had met his uncle, who was quite much more charming than Captain Seo was. And Changbin had met a few other people from his crew, and that wasn’t so bad. But it was still annoying, and all the meeting Changbin had just thought about one thing – meet me where the sun sets. This wasn’t much like Felix to just… ask Changbin to… hang out or anything. In fact, it wasn’t like Felix to send little notes through Chan. Or maybe it was. After all, they had only spent a few weeks together, and it wasn’t like Felix had to just ask Changbin to hang out when they were on a ship, since there really wasn’t any place to go. And Changbin’s dad had kept him busy the whole day, so there hadn’t even been any chances to talk today. But this was nice. Really nice. Changbin wasn’t complaining. </p><p>Felix talked about the town, Changbin talked about the meeting. Felix’s voice was soothing, but there was… something in the air. Some sort of tension. That similar tension Changbin had felt for… a little too long now. That tension that made his head spin. <br/>“Were there any nice bookshops around? I wonder if I’d have time to go take a look tomorrow morning.” Changbin smiled. Felix made the town sound so… idyllic. Perhaps they would have time to take a morning stroll together in the morning? <br/>“Actually.” Felix reached for the satchel next to him. Changbin arched his eyebrow. So there was a bookstore? “There was one we visited. It was a little frightening and the seller lady wasn’t in this world.” <br/>“What do you mean?” Changbin held back a laugh. <br/>“I mean that we could hear her voice, but not see her, and when I asked for papers and quills, they just floated over to me instead of, you know, anyone giving them to me.” <br/>“You mean they flew? Like in the air?” Changbin did his everything to not laugh at Felix. It was adorable, he was so new to all things magic and the wondrous look in his eyes as he explained to Changbin what he had experienced was so endearing. <br/>“Yes.” Felix finally got the satchel unbuckled and took something from it. He handed it over to Changbin. <br/>“And I got you this.” </p><p>Changbin took the thing Felix handed to him. It was a book. Clearly a little worn-out, seen a little bit of life already, but still in a great shape. The laughter in Changbin died down, and now he had to hold in his tears. <br/>“Me? You got this for me?” Changbin glanced at Felix, who had a gentle smile on his face. Changbin couldn’t believe this. Felix had thought went to a bookshop and bought this for… him? <br/>“Yeah. I thought… I thought you might have not time to visit any bookshops so… I got you this. I hope you haven’t read it yet.” The orange of the setting sun didn’t hide the blush creeping up on Felix’s face. Changbin knew he was no better. And he was speechless. He lowered his gaze from Felix to the book and softly ran his fingers down its spine, then over the cover. It was bound with leather, the letters had been burnt on it. <br/>“Don Quixote… No, I haven’t read this.” Changbin couldn’t help the smile stretching his lips. <br/>“Oh! That’s great. It’s a good book. At least I enjoyed it when I read it, so, I figured you might, too!” Felix had liked it? Then it must have been the best book to ever exist, since Changbin could remember that Felix didn’t even like reading. </p><p>“How much was it?” Changbin asked. He couldn’t just… let Felix pay for this, obviously. Books were expensive as hell. <br/>“What do you mean?” <br/>“How much was it? I’ll pay you back, books are expensive.” Felix looked disappointedly at Changbin. <br/>“Nothing.” <br/>“It costed nothing?” <br/>“No, it costed money, but I’m not taking it. No need to pay me back.” Felix crossed his arms on his chest in a defensive manner. Changbin pouted, he didn’t… like it when people did things for him. Or maybe he did when it was Felix doing the things. Or maybe he didn’t. He was torn! <br/>“But I want to. And I have more than you, so it’s okay.” <br/>“No. Changbin, it’s a gift.” <br/>“A gift.” And god, how Changbin couldn’t help but fall more in love. Yes, love, it was love, he felt love, he wanted to yell it at Felix’s face but he couldn’t because he didn’t really know how to and it frustrated him so incredibly much! He was in love! Or perhaps it was still too early to call it that, but Changbin refused to care about the nagging voice at the back of his head. <br/>“Yes. It’s a thank you for putting up with me for so long.” And now Changbin wanted to smother Felix in kisses and tell him:<br/>“There’s nothing to put up with you in the first place.” Only he just said it out loud, without smothering him in kisses. </p><p>Felix blushed again and turned his gaze away. Changbin scooted a little closer as unnoticeably as possible, scrolled through a few pages of the book. He handed the book back to Felix to put it safe into Johnny’s satchel. He was still… winded. His heart was thundering, he felt love all around. He was quite sure no one had ever done such an act of kindness to him as Felix had. Could the boy be any more perfect? </p><p>The night fell around them, the conversation turned from everything to the world surrounding them. The orange sky drew to violet until it finally turned deep, royal blue. Stars blinked at them from the high heavens above, moonlight bathed everything in silvery light. The waves kept rippling against the cliff only a meter away from their feet. The city was still bustling behind them, Changbin could hear music and yells traveling over the water. It was peaceful. Safe. Felix looked breathtaking in the moonlight. </p><p>As the night deepened, so did the conversation. Changbin told Felix about his past as well as he could, still a little unsure of himself. There hadn’t been many people in his life that had been so willing to listen to him. To understand him. It still made Changbin feel a little overwhelmed, all the questions Felix kept asking, and that gentle smile, those interested eyes. Felix told about his life in turn, so utterly different from Changbin’s. Felix hadn’t seen the world as Changbin had, but instead he had felt it, read about it, experienced it. Minutes bled into hours, Changbin lost the track of time in Felix’s eyes. And with every single heartbeat it felt so right, it felt so comfortable just sitting there, next to Felix, talking, laughing, simply living. </p><p>“I mean… As you have probably guessed, my father really wasn’t the best father out there… He never was.” Felix shuffled a bit closer, Changbin nodded but didn’t budge. Their knees were brushing together, softly. <br/>“I could guess that much.” Changbin mused. <br/>“And I just… you know, I still have this little fear at the back of my head that I still have to see him again some day. I just want to let go of it, but I can’t. I still… I don’t know. I know he would be able to do that, sail with Victory to look for me, if he really wanted to. I’m his only heir, and I know that he sees this whole thing as a threat to his massive pride, so I wouldn’t be surprised if he at least attempted to look for me around the Caribbean. And I fear that. I really do. I really like it here.” And now that Felix mentioned, so feared Changbin. He couldn’t… he knew he wouldn’t be able to handle it, if someone whisked Felix away from him right now. <br/>“I miss my mother, but I don’t miss my father at all. I mean… I really can’t miss the person that has hated me for the most of my life. I can’t miss the person that so clearly doesn’t want me to be who I am.”<br/>“And you don’t have to miss him, I wouldn’t either.” Oh, if Changbin only knew how to express to Felix that he knew how he felt, so ridiculously well. <br/>“Or I don’t know if he hated me but, you know, it certainly didn’t feel loving when he hit me every time I did something wrong. Which to him, was nearly everything I did.” </p><p>Rage spread from Changbin’s heart to everywhere around his body, grazed his fingertips, set his insides aflame. Hit him? Charles Lee had dared to hit Felix? What kind of father was that?! <br/>“He abused you?” Changbin whispered. He had known Felix’s father had been god-awful, but this? Changbin was speechless. Enraged. <br/>“I’m going to gut him if he ever dares to come across you ever again.” Changbin’s voice was shaky. He was mad. He took a rock from beside him and flung it into the sea in front of him with all of his powers. No one should ever have to go through that. No one. <br/>“And I’m going to make sure that our next travels will lead us far away from Caribbean, I don’t want you to have to see him ever in your life again. I promise that.” Changbin was fuming. He’d take them somewhere else. He’d do anything for Felix. Europe. East Indies. Anywhere. </p><p>Felix was quiet, but Changbin could see his eyes getting watery. His heart hurt. <br/>“But before that, I’m going to get us our own ship.” He said, in a moment of bravery, in a moment of haste. <br/>“Huh?”<br/>“Your father is a total scumbag, mine is just annoying.” And before Changbin could stop himself, the words poured out of his mouth; “And he expects too much from me. I mean. He doesn’t abuse me at least… not physically, but he still manages to be an ass at times.” </p><p>Felix trusted Changbin enough to tell him about his father. And Changbin trusted Felix enough to tell him about… everything. He didn’t have anyone else either, and he just… he needed to let it out. <br/>“Chan is a bit bored of him, too. I don’t know, you haven’t been on Euryale for long so you prolly haven’t noticed, but his behavior has changed a lot during this past year. <br/>“Oh?” Felix huddled a bit closer again, Changbin wanted to wrap his arm around the boy. But he didn’t. He just talked, because finally he had someone to pour his heart out to. <br/>“A little over a year ago, he got a prediction from a fortune teller than he doesn’t have much time left, that there’s a sickness in him that can’t be cured. That’s what caused his whole revenge-spree and him to reach for stars and plan huge heists. Now, I don’t believe in any of those predictions in any form, they’re bullshit, but my father, even if he says that he doesn’t believe in them, does the exact opposite. Ever since he got that prediction, he’s been… pushing me further and further. He wants me to be the next captain, because he thinks he’s going to die soon. And that’s why… that’s why I have been so distant lately.” <br/>“You mean… you have been distant to… others?” Changbin paused for a second. Yeah. He sure as hell had not been very distant from Felix. At all.<br/>“Yeah. Especially Jisung. My father has been pressuring me all this time to get rid of any too-close friends because they apparently will cloud my ability to make decisions when I’m going to be a captain. I tried to ignore him, but he… threatened to throw Jisung overboard a few months ago. I did what I could, but it wasn’t enough. Then my father threatened to leave him in Tortuga before we came to get you, if I didn’t cut ties with him, because as you know… we used to be thick as thieves.” </p><p>A look of enlightenment spread over Felix’s features. Changbin felt bad. Felix had noticed it, too, of course he had, the others had probably talked to him about Changbin being distant and now favoring Felix over the others. God, how much of an asshole did he look like in the others’ eyes! But that wasn’t the end, oh no;<br/>“And now… he still isn’t happy. He keeps on teaching me how to be a ‘good captain’, how to be cold and make ‘good decisions’. And I just. He’s the only family I have, you know. So at the same time I’m sick of this, but I’m also afraid that he’s going to be disappointed in me. I don’t want to disappoint him. He’s always been distant as a father, but… at least he showed me some sort of respect and pride in me when I was a child and succeeded in doing something. And. I don’t know. Now he’s just disappointed in me no matter what I do and I’m never enough for him.” </p><p>Felix remained quiet, and for a brief second Changbin got scared that he had said too much. He didn’t dare to look at the boy sitting next to him. He never spoke about his personal things to anyone, simply because he didn’t think anyone wanted to listen, and now he feared he had scared Felix away, too. Until he was proven wrong:<br/>“You know you’re enough, right?” Felix softly whispered and took Changbin’s hand. Felix’s hands were soft. Changbin hadn’t even realized his own were trembling. Felix’s thumb rubbed soothing circles over the back of Changbin’s hand. <br/>“You don’t need your father’s approval to be enough. You are enough, and I know that I don’t know much about sailing or being a captain or anything like that, but I know you’re doing a good job. Your father is just blind if he doesn’t see that.” Changbin nodded. He didn’t trust his voice, there was a lump forming in his throat. A tear rolled down his cheek, he sniffled. He was a mess. And he was crying in front of Felix. And for some reason, that didn’t feel so incredibly horrible. </p><p>After a few moments of silence, Changbin found his voice again: <br/>“I just… me and Chan. We had this thought that… maybe during our next stop, before the next big travel we will leave. Chan is tired of my father, too, he keeps pushing him to do things he doesn’t want to and gives contradictory orders and… I don’t know. I hate this. I hate this situation we’re in. I just want it to be over.” Felix nodded, he didn’t stop the soothing circles. Neither did Changbin his words. <br/>“And I’m afraid all the time that… I’m afraid that he’s going to notice that you and I, we have… got close ever since you were brought on this ship. I’m afraid that he’s going to tell me to cut ties with you, too, and I just can’t do that. I don’t want to do that. But I know that I won’t have the power to go against him, either. So if he tells me to do that, I won’t know what to do.” </p><p>Changbin’s heart was speaking for him. He was no longer in control: <br/>“And I just… Felix, I’m not really that used to getting things, I’m not used to the world giving in to me and letting me have something good in my life for a long time. And I. I fear, every day, when you are not with me, that some force of this world is going to take you away from me.” </p><p>“I don’t want to lose you. Not you, too. I know I won’t be able to handle that. You are a gift, from heaven above, you mean the world to me, and I don’t want to lose you. I can’t afford to lose you.”</p><p>Changbin was shaking. From the top of his head to the ends of his toes, he was trembling. With fear. With sadness. With grief. With love. </p><p>A silence of a few heartbeats fell.</p><p>“I- I don’t want to lose you either…” Felix stuttered. Changbin finally turned his gaze from the horizon to the honey eyes in front of him. Dripping of molten gold, even in the silver light of the moon. Changbin knew he was still crying, he could feel another hot tear rolling down his cheek. Felix didn’t understand. Changbin needed him to understand, even if it… even if it- </p><p>“No, Felix. You don’t get it. </p><p>I can’t lose you.” </p><p>And finally, the truth was out. Changbin watched, as Felix’s eyes lit up with understanding. He knew he was squeezing Felix’s hand with his own, just to accentuate his words. The silence was deafening. It lasted long. Too long. Oh no. No, nonono- </p><p>“I. I.” <br/>“It’s okay if you don’t feel the sa-“<br/>“You matter the world to me, too.” </p><p>The blood in Changbin’s veins seized. His ears rung. <br/>“You do. I don’t think I would have survived on this ship if it weren’t for you. You have been there for me when I have been on my lowest, you have put up with me even if I was really annoying in the beginning and I really, really, really care about you. You matter the world to me, too. And I don’t want to lose you, I can’t lose you. I can’t afford to lose you, Changbin.” </p><p>Changbin breathed out. Felix didn’t let go of his hand, simply squeezed it just as Changbin did. His eyes were full of honesty, full of something so intense Changbin had a hard time handling it. </p><p>Felix… felt the same? </p><p>Was that something love, too? </p><p>And finally, finally Changbin grabbed Felix by the collar of his shirt and yanked him closer, and pressed his lips against Felix’s. </p><p>The kiss didn’t last for long, it was barely a soft touch, not enough. Changbin didn’t know what to do, his brain was overheating, Felix squeezed his hand again. Changbin pulled back just a little, just a smidgen to look Felix deep into his eyes. Was this okay? Did Felix want this, too? Changbin didn’t step over the line, did he? </p><p>As an answer Felix wrapped his arms around Changbin’s neck and pulled him in another kiss. A real kiss, not just a ghost of lips over the other’s, an actual kiss. Felix’s lips were just as Changbin had imagined them to be, soft, full, everything Changbin had ever craved for. Changbin circled his arm around Felix’s waist and pulled him closer. Felix smelled of the ocean. He smelled of cotton, he smelled of home. Changbin couldn’t get enough. He couldn’t understand the fact that he was kissing Felix. He was kissing Felix. Felix. Felix! </p><p>Changbin felt an arm pushing his chest, and then Felix was climbing over him to sit on his lap. Changbin tightened his hold of Felix as Felix’s hand slid to the back of his head, fingers tangled in Changbin’s hair. Changbin’s entire world was Felix. Filled with Felix. Just Felix. And God, he was so in love, so far gone, head over heels. And he was so happy. He felt like bursting with joy. Changbin liked Felix, and Felix liked him back! </p><p>Changbin’s lungs burned, he had to pull away. A relieved laugh left his lips, he pressed his nose against Felix’s, eyes still closed. Felix giggled, Changbin’s heart twisted, thrummed, throbbed, thundered. Changbin hugged Felix even closer, even if it was basically impossible. He’d never let go. Never. Changbin pressed his face against Felix’s neck, breathed in. The books he had so much read couldn’t even come close in describing the feeling Changbin felt right now. </p><p>“I can’t lose you.” Changbin whispered, his lips lightly grazing over Felix’s skin. And Felix whispered back:<br/>“I can’t lose you either.” </p><p>*** </p><p>Changbin was panicking. Dread drilled through his veins at the speed of lightning. He couldn’t think. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t see hear feel anything but the chaos around him. </p><p>There were red coats everywhere around him. His blade slashed through them as fast as possible, but it wasn’t enough. It just wasn’t enough, there were too many of them. The only thing that kept Changbin grounded, kept him somehow aware of the situation, was Felix hand gripping on his own, keeping him sane, keeping him alive. </p><p>Changbin couldn’t believe this was happening. He couldn’t believe Victory had caught up on them, found them just as they were at their weakest. He couldn’t- he just couldn’t. He was terrified. Horrified to his very core. He had never been this scared in his entire life. </p><p>He was afraid. He was afraid that one moment Felix would let go of his hand, and Changbin wouldn’t be able to find it again. Changbin screamed as he rammed his sword through yet another ribcage, red dripping down his hands, staining his clothes. The rain pouring down made it hard to see, something was aflame, Changbin felt the flames scorching the back of his head as he lunged forwards. </p><p>And suddenly, Felix’s hand wasn’t in his anymore. It was gone. Changbin could see a huge man with a red coat approaching Jisung, Changbin tried to yell at him but it was late, too late, Changbin couldn’t find Felix’s hand, but that familiar voice rung next to his ear; <br/>“Go!” And he did. He ran towards Jisung, nearly slipped on a body lying on the deck face down and just, right on time, slit the red coat’s neck with a precise thrust of a sword. </p><p>“Onwards!” Came the order from Victory, reverberated through the air and Changbin’s brain, Jisung looked dazed, confused.<br/>“Fire!” Chan screeched yet again, Changbin turned around, tried to find Felix, tried so desperately to find him, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t. </p><p>Fear stirred in his guts; anxiety clasped its cold hands around Changbin’s neck. Where was he? Where was Felix? Euryale shook, wailed and whined at the power of the cannonfire, Changbin heard a crack coming from the forecastle. The mast. It had broken. Where was Felix? Where was he?! </p><p>For a moment, Changbin simply stared the sight in font of him. Countless bodies, both their own and of the enemy’s. Chaos. So many red coats, and they just kept coming, they didn’t stop, there was at least triple the amount of them compared to the crew of Euryale. Guns blasted. Changbin couldn’t see Felix. There was no hope. </p><p>Changbin’s eyes traveled to the quarter deck. And there, he saw, as an admiral of the crew of Victory plunged his sword through Captain Seo’s stomach. Changbin lurched, dropped to his knees. </p><p>There was no hope. There was no hope, they would never win this. Where was Felix? Where was he? Changbin was about to scream, about to yell, but he had no time, a sword blocked his view, Jisung jumped in and with a slash of a sword, and suddenly he was screaming in pain on the ground and Changbin was shoved backwards, the blade slashing a little too close once again. Pain shot through his arm, set him aflame. Changbin groaned and swung forwards, got a rain of a stranger’s blood on himself. </p><p>And the only thing in his head; where was-</p><p>“Felix!” </p><p>It was a stranger’s voice. Changbin didn’t recognize it. But he recognized authority when he heard it. </p><p>“Felix! My son!” Another hand shoved Changbin, suddenly he had a sword pointed at his throat. He couldn’t hear anything but the blood pumping through his veins. <br/>“Felix, my dearest son, I am so grateful to see you!” </p><p>And there he was. Standing in the middle of the deck, Changbin could see him trembling. He could see that Felix was scared, and finally he understood, it was his father calling to him. It was Charles Lee calling to Felix. A spear of wrath surged through Changbin, he tried to move, but suddenly the sword was replaced with the muzzle of a gun, pointed right at his head. Changbin didn’t feel it, he didn’t see it. He felt nothing but fear. Jisung was bleeding. Felix was far away. So far away. Too far away.</p><p>“F-father.” Felix’s voice was nothing but a whisper. Changbin could hear the fear, he could hear the pain. Charles Lee, with his red, gold-embroidered coat, a sword clinking against the many jewels of his belt, walked over the plank and directly to Felix. Changbin watched, as Felix’s father wrapped his arms around his son in a hug that did not look sincere. Felix’s sword fell from his hand, and so did Changbin’s. The clanks echoed in the air. Everything seemed to stop. </p><p>“Oh, my sweet little boy, we all thought you were gone! We came to look for you, we have been looking for you for so long and look at you! We have finally found you, oh, I am so grateful that you are alive!” Charles Lee did not look at his son with joy. Instead, he looked at him with disgust; <br/>“Look at you. What have they done to you, my sweet little summer child? You are safe now, we will bring you home.” </p><p>Home? But Felix’s home was right here? Right on this ship, with his friends, with Changbin. Felix was already home. </p><p>And finally, finally Felix lifted his gaze from his father. His eyes found Changbin’s, and Changbin had never seen such fear in those honeyed eyes of his. <br/>“No.” Changbin could hear Felix saying. <br/>“Felix? Come home to me. There’s nothing for you on this ship, filled with dirty pirates.” <br/>“No.” Changbin could hear his heart thundering in his chest, the blood in his veins, and the quiet whispers of Felix. Changbin drowned in his gaze. <br/>“Felix, I know I have not been the best father to you, but if you won’t do it for me, do it for your mother.”<br/>“No.” <br/>“Felix, I am begging. She is very sick, Amelia is very sick, and she just wants to see you, perhaps for the very last time.” </p><p>That was what finally tore Felix’s gaze away form Changbin. Changbin wanted to yell, to scream, to run to Felix and save him from the monster in front of him, but he couldn’t. He knew that the second he would move, that gun next to his head would go off. </p><p>Felix took a step back. <br/>“No. There’s nothing for me in Nassau.” A silence followed. Changbin couldn’t do anything. He was frozen. He felt useless. He was terrified to his very core. He couldn’t lose him. </p><p>Felix looked at him again, he took a breath in. Changbin trembled, in pain, in fear, he could see Felix thinking about something. Something that seemed to calm him for a moment. <br/>“This is my life now.” In that chaos of fear stirring inside Changbin, he felt a bloom of warmth. </p><p>And in the next two seconds, Changbin could see Charles Lee fumbling something from his belt, and then there was another gun pointed at Changbin’s head. For a moment Charles Lee’s gaze met Changbin’s – and Changbin understood that Felix’s father had understood what the relationship between Changbin and Felix was. What the relationship between the captain’s son and the governor’s son was. </p><p>“N-no!” Felix winced; pain shot through Changbin’s heart. <br/>“No! Don’t!” Changbin turned his eyes back to Felix, his senses were on overdrive, he understood that he was in grave danger. There was a tear rolling down Felix’s cheek, and Changbin realized, he had made a decision:<br/>“I’ll come! Don’t shoot him! Please, father, don’t! I will come, I will come! I will come home to you and mother, if you let Euryale sail away without hurting them anymore, I will come home! Please!” Felix screamed as he grabbed his father’s arm. </p><p>All the power in Changbin’s body seeped away. No. No. This couldn’t be happening. <br/>“Please. Let them sail away. I’ll come home.” </p><p>“Fine.” </p><p>No. </p><p>“Lower your guns. Retreat back to Victory.” </p><p>No. </p><p>No. No. No! </p><p>This couldn’t be happening, no. It just couldn’t, it couldn’t, this wasn’t real, it wasn’t real, it wasn’t happening. </p><p>Changbin watched, powerless and helpless as Charles Lee grabbed Felix by his arm, before dragging him towards the other ship. Felix screamed, begged for him to let go, but he didn’t. And just as he was about to step on the plank, he turned around. </p><p>For the last time, Changbin looked at Felix. He stared into those honeyed topaz eyes, trembling, filled with fear and grief. Felix was crying, there were tears rolling down his cheeks. His orange hair was matted against his forehead, wet with the pouring rain. The red shirt, which Changbin had given him, was clinging on him, stained with a deeper red. He looked beautiful. Ethereal. Breathtaking. </p><p>And so terrified. Scared. Afraid. Alone. </p><p>This couldn’t be happening. It couldn’t. Changbin didn’t understand it, he didn’t, he really didn’t; <br/>“I’m sorry, Changbin. I’m really sorry.” </p><p>Changbin couldn’t lose him. Changbin couldn’t lose Felix. He couldn’t. He- No. He couldn’t. He couldn’t lose him! </p><p>No. </p><p>This wasn’t real. </p><p>This wasn’t happening. </p><p>Changbin couldn’t lose Felix. </p><p>He couldn’t!</p><p>“Abandon ship!” </p><p> </p><p>Someone yanked Changbin backwards from the collar of his shirt.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>
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